more like me? not if i can help it!!! no im sure there are people out there like me...... then again that would be scary if they were.. im not all flowers and sunshine.......death and possies
yeah ive seen people be all happy and smily all the time.. to perky!!!
hey now no pokey!!! i lick!
oh really? lol
now I'm curious ...
I agree with what some of the others said, that it's a good poem because of its sincerity. I would also like to note that the idea was clearly depicted by your lines, so clarity of message is also a strong point of your work here.
But, in my opinion, I think your poem lacks creativity. As a matter of fact, in contrast to what the others stated, I think it lacks depth, because your concept was expressed literally. Try to blend some images into your concept, and perhaps not be too revealing with what you want to express (let the reader puzzle over the poem and realize the beauty of it), but make it more captivating by making something about the poem unique. "What can I do about my poem that will make it stand out from the others...?" By it, perhaps you can add more power to your message, which I think the poem lacks in.
Oh well, it still depends on your style, right? These are just my criticisms T_T Keep up the good work, though ^^
Please keep all idle chatter in pms or journal.
Seduced by Flesh
thanks for the crit.. your right my style usual doesnt ask how can i make it stand out.. and the images are a bit lacking thanks for that.. later ill try to do so... dont worry about the critz i appreciate you being open like that, im just to straight forward with my poems
Remember: If you're writing something about a common theme, try writing it in a different angle, or comparing it to something unusual and never thought of before. That might help ^^ And thanks for your appreciation!