not yet titled.

bratling · Jun 18, 2007, 08:07 AM

No matter what I say and,
No matter what I do,
I know I will never please you.

How hard I try, it matters not
It just hurts so bad to know cus
Your almost all I got.

No matter if I turn right or even left,
You make it your duty to make sure I know,
That I was wrong! Help, theres been a theft!

They stole my soul, they took it whole,
My selfesteem and self confidence they did eliminate
How to get it back, I just don't know!

But if it was anyone else I know I'd have support
But unfortunately for me, the ones who should help
Are the very cause of my pain.

Serenity Carter · Jun 18, 2007, 08:25 AM

Sad... sounds alot like my parents from time to time.
It really expresses strong feeling. i like how you structured it. Keep it up! i'll look out for your poems to come.

!Mini Dev · Jun 18, 2007, 08:29 AM

Thats so sad

great poem and lots of effort but what a sad poem it makes me think over and over

*Peach_follows* · Jun 18, 2007, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bratling

No matter if I turn right or even left,
You make it your duty to make sure I know,
That I was wrong! Help, theres been a theft!

.

This part made me laugh. (sorry if my amusement is inapropriate) I just thought it was a bit of comic relief in that line.

bratling · Jun 18, 2007, 08:41 AM

Thanka all of you for your comments! I'm glad you liked it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peach_follows

This part made me laugh. (sorry if my amusement is inapropriate) I just thought it was a bit of comic relief in that line.

Yeah, that was kinda the idea. I was writing at the table wit my dad sittin' there and he said something that made me giggle and it fit in so I put it in there. It was supposed to be a little comical, just there.

*Lasura* · Jun 18, 2007, 09:07 AM

This is very good, a verry good poem indeed... Has everything a poem needs, it's just great!!! Sadnes, anger and a cry for help, that's what brought my attention the most...

A great work. Enjoyed reading it and will be waiting forward for the next one... ^^

Jun 18, 2007, 08:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
bratling Devoted Otaku Join Date: May 2007 Location: Crystal Minnesota. Posts: 509 Thanks: 0 Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts Credits: 11,826	not yet titled. No matter what I say and, No matter what I do, I know I will never please you. How hard I try, it matters not It just hurts so bad to know cus Your almost all I got. No matter if I turn right or even left, You make it your duty to make sure I know, That I was wrong! Help, theres been a theft! They stole my soul, they took it whole, My selfesteem and self confidence they did eliminate How to get it back, I just don't know! But if it was anyone else I know I'd have support But unfortunately for me, the ones who should help Are the very cause of my pain.
Status: Offline

Jun 18, 2007, 08:25 AM	#2 (permalink)
Serenity Carter Newbie Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Trinidad, D Caribbean Posts: 47 Thanks: 5 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 689	Re: not yet titled. Sad... sounds alot like my parents from time to time. It really expresses strong feeling. i like how you structured it. Keep it up! i'll look out for your poems to come. __________________ Life's short so have a laugh about it
Status: Offline

Jun 18, 2007, 08:29 AM	#3 (permalink)
!Mini Dev Banned Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,117 Thanks: 41 Thanked 25 Times in 25 Posts Credits: -80	Re: not yet titled. Thats so sad great poem and lots of effort but what a sad poem it makes me think over and over
Status: Offline

Jun 18, 2007, 09:07 AM	#6 (permalink)
Lasura Angelic Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Demon's Arms Posts: 1,866 Thanks: 56 Thanked 32 Times in 30 Posts Credits: 49,192	Re: not yet titled. This is very good, a verry good poem indeed... Has everything a poem needs, it's just great!!! Sadnes, anger and a cry for help, that's what brought my attention the most... A great work. Enjoyed reading it and will be waiting forward for the next one... ^^ __________________ My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge
Status: Offline

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