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  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    not yet titled.

    No matter what I say and,
    No matter what I do,
    I know I will never please you.

    How hard I try, it matters not
    It just hurts so bad to know cus
    Your almost all I got.

    No matter if I turn right or even left,
    You make it your duty to make sure I know,
    That I was wrong! Help, theres been a theft!

    They stole my soul, they took it whole,
    My selfesteem and self confidence they did eliminate
    How to get it back, I just don't know!

    But if it was anyone else I know I'd have support
    But unfortunately for me, the ones who should help
    Are the very cause of my pain.

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    Newbie Serenity Carter may be famous one day Serenity Carter may be famous one day Serenity Carter's Avatar
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    Re: not yet titled.

    Sad... sounds alot like my parents from time to time.
    It really expresses strong feeling. i like how you structured it. Keep it up! i'll look out for your poems to come.
    Life's short so have a laugh about it

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    Re: not yet titled.

    Thats so sad great poem and lots of effort but what a sad poem it makes me think over and over

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    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: not yet titled.

    Quote Originally Posted by bratling View Post

    No matter if I turn right or even left,
    You make it your duty to make sure I know,
    That I was wrong! Help, theres been a theft!

    .
    This part made me laugh. (sorry if my amusement is inapropriate) I just thought it was a bit of comic relief in that line.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: not yet titled.

    Thanka all of you for your comments! I'm glad you liked it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    This part made me laugh. (sorry if my amusement is inapropriate) I just thought it was a bit of comic relief in that line.
    Yeah, that was kinda the idea. I was writing at the table wit my dad sittin' there and he said something that made me giggle and it fit in so I put it in there. It was supposed to be a little comical, just there.

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: not yet titled.

    This is very good, a verry good poem indeed... Has everything a poem needs, it's just great!!! Sadnes, anger and a cry for help, that's what brought my attention the most...

    A great work. Enjoyed reading it and will be waiting forward for the next one... ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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