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Thread: November 9th

  1. #1
    Otaku BrokenLover101 is off to a good start BrokenLover101's Avatar
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    November 9th

    November 9th

    This time it’s different
    More painful and deadly
    Suicidal and alone
    With no one home

    Thoughts of the one I love
    Used to help calm me down
    But today it’s who
    Triggers this pain

    He lives so far away
    And I’ve yet to hear his voice
    Yet to hear the things
    That give him pain

    Hospitalization hopefully won’t happen this time
    I’ll cut so deep that there won’t be time
    May I die on the way
    So that tomorrow I’ll be safe

    I’ll go to heaven or hell
    But either way
    I’ll be alright
    Away from all the pain

    The happiness you caused
    Were my only moments
    Where the pain inside
    Just disappeared

    Your gone
    And I call our to you
    “Baby come to me
    For the only thing I need is you”

    Nope, Nothing...
    Once again there is no response
    So as the blade goes across my skin
    I say goodbye and wait to die
    Last edited by BrokenLover101; Nov 13, 2007 at 01:39 PM.
    X.x.X The only thing I'll ever want... X.x.X

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  2. #2
    Otaku Bowling Champion Tifa Lockhart is off to a good start
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    Re: November 9th

    Nicely written. I enjoyed reading it. However, the last part doesn't seem to flow smoothly. Other than that, it is awesome. ^^

  3. #3
    Otaku BrokenLover101 is off to a good start BrokenLover101's Avatar
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    Re: November 9th

    Thanks.. I edited and tried to make it flow a little better. Thank you for letting me know your opinion.. ^-^
    X.x.X The only thing I'll ever want... X.x.X

    X.x.X Is for you to love me the way I love you.. X.x.X

  4. #4
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    Re: November 9th

    Oh my.. i hate this kind of haunting poems the ending just made the poem endless... made me wonder will the blade cause the death or not...

    I like the way the poem flows... it flows beautifully... the colour effect made it gloomier ...and the way words are used are very nice... enjoyable for a sad poem.. depressing indeed....

    You managed to show and made the reader's feel the emotion in this poem.. well done ^^ keep it up...

    PS:Suicide over anything is bad... bear that in mind ^^

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