Thread: Only Sixteen

My, how . . . tragic. No one should have to go through that at sixteen.

I found the swearing unnecessary, but I can see why you included it. It changes the tone of the poem a bit, from "what a shame" to "HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!" Interesting. I want to see more work from you.

Originally Posted by divine_punishment

My, how . . . tragic. No one should have to go through that at sixteen.

I found the swearing unnecessary, but I can see why you included it. It changes the tone of the poem a bit, from "what a shame" to "HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!" Interesting. I want to see more work from you.

Yeah, I usually try not to swear on the poems I post here (that's why I add asterisks--so I don't get warnings/infractions) unless I feel like I have to. Sometimes a good swear adds just the right amount of emotion to my work. Otherwise, my poems are cleaner than my big ol' potty mouth. LOL!

Thanks for the comment, and I appreciate your input. I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

The whole thing makes me really sad. And the poem is really well written 'n conveys your point really well.

Originally Posted by bratling

The whole thing makes me really sad. And the poem is really well written 'n conveys your point really well.

Sad? Naw... The whole thing pisses me off!

I can't believe that Michael Jr.'s mom would do that and actually allow his aunt Tracy to say the things she said to him!! On top of that, none of our siblings intervened! Not even CHAUNCEY!!! And Chauncey's usually the one who does the right thing!! Urr... I hate my family sometimes...

Had more of a "rap song" feel to it than that of a poem. Not bad but just stating how I took the flow.

I don't much care for profanity in a poem or to be able to directly associate the meaning with that of the writer's life. But that is just my opinion.

I realize that some poetry is written about your life and as a means to vent/heal. But I have said it before and will say it again, some poetry is meant to be shared with the world and some is meant to keep to yourself.

To me your works that SHOULD be shared with all, shouldn't read like a journal or diary, they should allow the reader to apply the work to themselves and derive a meaning all their own without influence or guidance to a preconceived meaning. I couldn't do that with this poem, all I saw was a family issue.

Now I am not harping on my ideas of how poetry should be and realize that you have friends that love this insight to your world. All I am say is this is all I see from you and as a poet, I would like to see you expand and write about things other than those personal to your life. This isn’t an attack but a challenge to grow and try new things

As far as the content of this poem, all I can say is life is what you make it. With determination and some help of friends and family nothing is unachievable and hopefully he learns that now. While he has someone like you to care and look out for him.

Originally Posted by chiefblackhammer

Now I am not harping on my ideas of how poetry should be and realize that you have friends that love this insight to your world. All I am say is this is all I see from you and as a poet, I would like to see you expand and write about things other than those personal to your life. This isn’t an attack but a challenge to grow and try new things

As far as the content of this poem, all I can say is life is what you make it. With determination and some help of friends and family nothing is unachievable and hopefully he learns that now. While he has someone like you to care and look out for him.

I accept your challenge! ^_^

Thanks for the advice, I'll take it and put it to good use. I'm glad you took the time to read my work!

this poem makes it seem like you were pissed off when you wrote this. plus to me its seems so sad that someone has to go through that. i can relate to the poem a LITTLE bit. But anyways good job. i love all your poems =)