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Thread: Only Sixteen

  1. #9
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    Re: Only Sixteen

    Oh my...what a very good poem...anger is expressed and the reasons for it is conveyed... nicely done .. ^^ i like it... good job and keep up the good work ^^

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  2. #10
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Only Sixteen

    Quote Originally Posted by BAUTIFULSOUL View Post
    this poem makes it seem like you were pissed off when you wrote this. plus to me its seems so sad that someone has to go through that. i can relate to the poem a LITTLE bit. But anyways good job. i love all your poems =)
    Yeah, I was pretty pissed when I wrote this, in fact, I still am pretty mad about the whole thing. They did my bro dirty.

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    Oh my...what a very good poem...anger is expressed and the reasons for it is conveyed... nicely done .. ^^ i like it... good job and keep up the good work ^^
    Thanks to both of you for your comments! ^_^ I am glad that so many people like it thus far! I appreciate your input!


  3. #11
    Otaku Dune Bashing In Dubai Champion, Yetisports 10 - Icicle Climb Champion, Yeti Bubbles Champion overload is off to a good start overload's Avatar
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    Re: Only Sixteen

    I agree with the Chief about it kind of having a Rap feel to it, but the whole poem about your bro going through the S*** at sixteen, is to me very close to what I went through. I was alienated and thought of as dirt under someones shoe.
    That is why I think this poem is very good because it can identify where some of us have been and where some of us are going.
    brilliant to say the least.

  4. #12
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Only Sixteen

    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    Sad? Naw... The whole thing pisses me off!

    I can't believe that Michael Jr.'s mom would do that and actually allow his aunt Tracy to say the things she said to him!! On top of that, none of our siblings intervened! Not even CHAUNCEY!!! And Chauncey's usually the one who does the right thing!! Urr... I hate my family sometimes...
    Uh.... if you recall or re-read. I said it makes ME sad. Me, someone who doesn't know what happened or what is going on at all except that michael is having problems at home. I found out this morning that tracy threatened him and I don't at all know what happened. So yeah. -I- think it's sad. It's also not my brother so it's not my place to be pissed off... It's messed up though. I agree. It just makes me SAD he has to go thruogh it. He's a kid.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  5. #13
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    Re: Only Sixteen

    Quote Originally Posted by bratling View Post
    Uh.... if you recall or re-read. I said it makes ME sad. Me, someone who doesn't know what happened or what is going on at all except that michael is having problems at home. I found out this morning that tracy threatened him and I don't at all know what happened. So yeah. -I- think it's sad. It's also not my brother so it's not my place to be pissed off... It's messed up though. I agree. It just makes me SAD he has to go thruogh it. He's a kid.
    I know what you meant. I was stating that it doesn't make ME sad. It pisses ME off.


  6. #14
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    Re: Only Sixteen

    I need help like that o-O;;
    Anyways it was good. It had that feeling to it,y'know when you think that something like that happens to you.

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

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    Re: Only Sixteen

    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    I know what you meant. I was stating that it doesn't make ME sad. It pisses ME off.
    Well that was a little redundant of a comment then. the poem told me that dork-face.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  8. #16
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    Re: Only Sixteen

    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    Only sixteen and already he hates life.
    His own aunt said she'd stab him with a knife.

    Only sixteen and he already wants to die.
    His mother sent him out, he came to me and then he cried!

    Only sixteen and he's already giving up.
    Because he thinks there's nothing left for him,
    I think that f****** sucks!

    Only sixteen. He's my brother--like a son,
    because our daddy ain't shit; that mofo's on the run.

    Only sixteen... Man, I feel like S***!
    I can't stand to see my little bro go through what I did.

    Only sixteen and his depression's through the roof!
    His mother lets her siblings destroy my brother's youth!

    Only sixteen and he needs so much help.
    This can't possibly be good for his health!

    Only sixteen and already needs a break.
    How much drama can one kid really take?

    I mean, he's only sixteen!

    Only sixteen...
    Hmm, interesting. I really enjoyed the way it started off but in my opinion it got weaker towards the end. The rhyming wasn't as fluent, but overall nice poem. I think we're working with a potential big-time writer here :]

    Nice job, keep it up

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