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Old Dec 15, 2007, 11:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Open Your Mind

Faintly gleaming in the stream
Of mist and hourly strife
Upon the mast of swirling blue
Into the breaths; wind scented too
The powerful stride is what we do
As we step up to life's bigger task

Furthermore we see the before,
Our mistakes we made in the past
Casting true to such swirling blue
That makes up our life's mast

So vast our minds yet so ignorant too
How could we sit here so blind inside?
Such great force lies beyond our emotions
Yet many fear the overpowering tide

As dull and faded some senses are negated
In the minds of the ignorant that wallow avast
Such a tender evanescent touch life becomes
When you close your mind to what we have

Open the door and cross the gate into the unknown!
Show yourself right into the mystery and reveal it's core!
We can't truly think we sow what we reap
If the actual feeling inside is desecrated by spiritual gore

Nevermore!
Nevermore!

I call to the blatant thunderous roar!
That deep spacey state that shows us nothing
Spacing out and becoming lost,
Oh such a chore!
There is so much to lose if you cannot see,
What I am simply trying to implore!
We cannot sit and let our minds sink,
We must open up our minds and cross through destiny's ivory door!
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Old Dec 15, 2007, 02:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Open Your Mind

Wow.....this is amazing.......the rhythm flows like clear water in this poem and the words are full of wisdom.....
Great job!!!!
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Old Dec 16, 2007, 07:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Open Your Mind

Well I found the rythm a bit odd, I don't know, it was a bit hard to read...

But I love the rhyming in this stranza:
Quote:
Furthermore we see the before,
Our mistakes we made in the past
Casting true to such swirling blue
That makes up our life's mast
Lol ^^ it rhymes very oddly- two places in a line furthermore- before and true-blue. Don't know if you ment it like that, but it has come out great!!!!!!!!!! Really love it ^^ Magical...
And I love the part after "Nevermore! Nevermore!" it reminded me of elf songs... nice The line before the last line kinda broke it to me though...

Alltogether... really nice work!!!!!!!!! ^^
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