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Thread: Open Your Mind

  1. #1
    Otaku Tetsanosuke Kirikami is off to a good start Tetsanosuke Kirikami's Avatar
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    Open Your Mind

    Faintly gleaming in the stream
    Of mist and hourly strife
    Upon the mast of swirling blue
    Into the breaths; wind scented too
    The powerful stride is what we do
    As we step up to life's bigger task

    Furthermore we see the before,
    Our mistakes we made in the past
    Casting true to such swirling blue
    That makes up our life's mast

    So vast our minds yet so ignorant too
    How could we sit here so blind inside?
    Such great force lies beyond our emotions
    Yet many fear the overpowering tide

    As dull and faded some senses are negated
    In the minds of the ignorant that wallow avast
    Such a tender evanescent touch life becomes
    When you close your mind to what we have

    Open the door and cross the gate into the unknown!
    Show yourself right into the mystery and reveal it's core!
    We can't truly think we sow what we reap
    If the actual feeling inside is desecrated by spiritual gore

    Nevermore!
    Nevermore!

    I call to the blatant thunderous roar!
    That deep spacey state that shows us nothing
    Spacing out and becoming lost,
    Oh such a chore!
    There is so much to lose if you cannot see,
    What I am simply trying to implore!
    We cannot sit and let our minds sink,
    We must open up our minds and cross through destiny's ivory door!

    "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion."

  2. #2
    Chtonian Slayer Astaroth may be famous one day Astaroth's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Mind

    Wow.....this is amazing.......the rhythm flows like clear water in this poem and the words are full of wisdom.....
    Great job!!!!
    DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Mind

    Well I found the rythm a bit odd, I don't know, it was a bit hard to read...

    But I love the rhyming in this stranza:
    Furthermore we see the before,
    Our mistakes we made in the past
    Casting true to such swirling blue
    That makes up our life's mast
    Lol ^^ it rhymes very oddly- two places in a line furthermore- before and true-blue. Don't know if you ment it like that, but it has come out great!!!!!!!!!! Really love it ^^ Magical...
    And I love the part after "Nevermore! Nevermore!" it reminded me of elf songs... nice The line before the last line kinda broke it to me though...

    Alltogether... really nice work!!!!!!!!! ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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