Thread: Pain

*chuckles* I don't understand... But anyway, I'll figure it out- soon enough *nod* yeah...

I'm sorry that you don't understand it the next poem I post I'll make it more clear. Hopefully you still enjoyed it to a certain extent.

No, don't worry *smile*... I have someone who could answer my questions whenever it comes to understanding poems. Especially the nice and complicated ones... I do like to read/see other ppl's piece of arts... It's quite fun exploring AO whenever I have the time and find something that would make me want to know it better *smile* ....

It's actually quite good Taraqs, though poems is not my strong side, but it feels like it need some more "power"

Hate being grammar nazi but someone has to do it when all you're communicating in is text.

Why won't you leave me alone why [can't you] see what (you're) doing to me.
What do you want from me why can't you see that you are not (a part) of me anymore.
The pain (you're) causing me is immense...
Those memories [that] brought me Pain.

() mistakes, [] suggestions to help flow

It's a decent poem, different because of the run-on sentences, which i personally dislike, but that may have been what you were going for. Got the point across, but the bad flow killed it for me, and it didn't really end well imo. You went from trying to get away from "you" then go to the memories, but that was really only half of the problem. "Just let me forget you" or something like that at the end?
Maybe next time you can vaguely describe the memories and what was causing pain. "I will never forget the worst you did, that time at the beach" etc etc.

In the end, its your poem and i can only suggest . Keep on writing

Meh. I understand why write a poem if you cannot take the crtics opinion. I will take that into consideration and create a better one next time. Thank you all again.