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Thread: Pain

  1. #1
    Newbie 59wayz is off to a good start 59wayz's Avatar
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    Unhappy Pain

    The pain is intolerable
    The pain is inevitable
    The pain is Incomparable

    This is a deep pain
    A pain no one wants to feel
    This is an Inescapable pain
    A pain of eternal value

    The pain has crossed the threshold
    The pain has caused much damage
    The pain defines me
    The pain is me

    This pain I talk about isn't physical nor emotional
    This pain is mental
    Why must I suffer
    Why must I see
    Why must I hear



    (sorry if crappy, I just need to relieve the pain somehow)

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    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Pain

    Wow! Very nicely done! If this is crappy, then I need to start eating my afro. LOL.

    Naw, seriously though I like it. You found different ways to describe your pain, while still putting the word 'pain' to use. It was a small bit repetitive, but still well written, none-the-less.

    Kudos, good job, mad props and all that jazz!


    ~S


  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Pain

    I didn't think it was crappy either. I think it's very well written and it gets the way you feel out pretty clearly which aleways to me makes a good poem. It even flowed rhythmically.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Newbie Evil Angel is off to a good start Evil Angel's Avatar
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    Re: Pain

    its not creepy in a bad way its creepy in an awsome way
    ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
    And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
    ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
    And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

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    Chtonian Slayer Astaroth may be famous one day Astaroth's Avatar
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    Re: Pain

    The words are very grounded and have a strong effect to them.......and they go greatly with the title.....
    Nicely done!!!
    DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Pain

    *nods* good... very good!!! At first sight I though I won't enjoy it because there is too much repetition, but I was wrong, because the repetitions change in each stranza, so it's nice...

    And the pain that you describe... boy do I know that feeling. I especialy love the last lines:
    Why must I suffer
    Why must I see
    Why must I hear
    I feel like that too sometimes and this just reminded me of that and... well sometimes it's nice to remember even if it is a bad thing...

    A really nice work ^^ I hope to see more and I hope next time you have the wish to go deeper...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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