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Old Dec 13, 2007, 01:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Pain

The pain is intolerable
The pain is inevitable
The pain is Incomparable

This is a deep pain
A pain no one wants to feel
This is an Inescapable pain
A pain of eternal value

The pain has crossed the threshold
The pain has caused much damage
The pain defines me
The pain is me

This pain I talk about isn't physical nor emotional
This pain is mental
Why must I suffer
Why must I see
Why must I hear



(sorry if crappy, I just need to relieve the pain somehow)
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Old Dec 13, 2007, 01:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Pain

Wow! Very nicely done! If this is crappy, then I need to start eating my afro. LOL.

Naw, seriously though I like it. You found different ways to describe your pain, while still putting the word 'pain' to use. It was a small bit repetitive, but still well written, none-the-less.

Kudos, good job, mad props and all that jazz!


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Old Dec 13, 2007, 04:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Pain

I didn't think it was crappy either. I think it's very well written and it gets the way you feel out pretty clearly which aleways to me makes a good poem. It even flowed rhythmically.
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Old Dec 15, 2007, 01:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Pain

its not creepy in a bad way its creepy in an awsome way
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Old Dec 15, 2007, 02:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Pain

The words are very grounded and have a strong effect to them.......and they go greatly with the title.....
Nicely done!!!
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Old Dec 16, 2007, 07:07 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Pain

*nods* good... very good!!! At first sight I though I won't enjoy it because there is too much repetition, but I was wrong, because the repetitions change in each stranza, so it's nice...

And the pain that you describe... boy do I know that feeling. I especialy love the last lines:
Quote:
Why must I suffer
Why must I see
Why must I hear
I feel like that too sometimes and this just reminded me of that and... well sometimes it's nice to remember even if it is a bad thing...

A really nice work ^^ I hope to see more and I hope next time you have the wish to go deeper...
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