Thread: pain

Very good! I usually have a hard time reading things with words like Thouist and thine, but this was very enjoyable to read

i would like to make it better its my first time writing like this so would like some chriticisem.

Originally Posted by Dragons2801

i would like to make it better its my first time writing like this so would like some chriticisem.

well if you want criticism I will go through it a few times and see what I can find lol

I need a help about one sided love, can you help me how can we get love of our loveone?

It reminds me of a man who had pain and love tattooed on his shoulder. I asked him why and he said if you want to feel love expect pain. Without the oppression of the world you can't appreciate happiness.

You used some intersting words such as "thouist" as the first word of the second stanza. Not sure what you meant, I am assuming it meant "Thou is." In the second line of the second stanza you use the word "biest." In that context it was difficult to get what you mean. The last line you used the phrase "repared thine." I think you were perhaps meaning repaired my." You really should perfect the ins and outs of regular language before you try that. Sadly I think the experiment in anachronistic language detracted from the poem.

See you should ask advice from Beast not me, lol he knows more about this than I do, I am still fairly new as to proper writing

Originally Posted by beast

It reminds me of a man who had pain and love tattooed on his shoulder. I asked him why and he said if you want to feel love expect pain. Without the oppression of the world you can't appreciate happiness.

You used some intersting words such as "thouist" as the first word of the second stanza. Not sure what you meant, I am assuming it meant "Thou is." In the second line of the second stanza you use the word "biest." In that context it was difficult to get what you mean. The last line you used the phrase "repared thine." I think you were perhaps meaning repaired my." You really should perfect the ins and outs of regular language before you try that. Sadly I think the experiment in anachronistic language detracted from the poem.

This usage is from chaucer and later, shakespearian times. Poets also get some creative lisence in word usage. We would not have 3,000 words if not for Shakespeare creating them.