Pain of Betrayal

I don't understand
why I hurt so much
deep inside
I've lost friends before
whether they died or otherwise
But this is different

This pain runs deep
too deep in fact
The pain creates a deep void
within my heart
depper than the one
that already exists

I know people typically feel this way
when they lose a soulmate
but that isn't the case.

Everyone says losing a boyfriend
or a girlfriend is hard
but losing a friend
who is like family to you
is even harder and hurts even more
even when the connection runs deep
too deep.

The pain isn't easy to bear
different than physical pain
it runs deep inside your heart
almost crushing it entirely

I promised I would never do anything
stupid but now that isn't the case
I want to do something
to make the pain go away
but nothing comes to mind
I just want my mind and my heart
to be numb
so I can have peaceful dreams for tonight
and so I can forget what has happened and move on..

But even I know that is impossible
For the pain is too deep
for me even to bear
I do want to end it all
but at what price will I
have to pay
to cross the River Styx
onto the afterlife
Is it worth losing someone
else
who is close to me?
Maybe, maybe not
Who knows?

Only time will tell
But for now
I have to sleep
tomorrow is a new day

For now I can only stair at the bridge
that is now burning
and can only wait till a new one
has been built up
in it's place.