The Pain Of Her

*HolderOfTheDarkChalice* · Nov 13, 2006, 05:35 AM

As you walk away from what we have
i sit here with tear's streaming down
my face, the only thing i feel is a heart
that is dieing if you would just turn around
and see how i hurt as you go to him with a smile.

As i keep my promise to wait for you all i feel
is the emptyness in my heart that you leave as '
you never come to me ,then i lay there in my lonelyness
and feel the cold from that empty space you leave with me,
then i close my eyes as they burn from the tears refusing to
fall anymore.

You smile as you go through your life feeling all those
things others take for granted as i think of you being
with me like this, i then scream into my pillow as i ball
my fist's up in anger wishing so badly that you could be mine,
nothing really matters anymore not even life because with you gone
i have no life.

The time has come for me to accept the fact you will never
come to me as i see you keep smiling in his arms ,while i stand
there watching you laugh as i stand there in the back ground
seeing you laugh and always comforted, as i walk away once more
smiling now knowing my chance with you is for ever gone as the
years pass but i still wait as my love will never waver for you.

this poem is about how love can affect someone so great
that they will wait forever no matter the odds of having the
one they love. this poem has nothing to do with me personally because
i am very happy in case anyone was wondering but any comments or
suggestions are welcomed

SousukeSagara · Nov 13, 2006, 06:14 AM

This poem takes me back in time where I waited for someone who I do really love... But she was someone that time but I never lose hope back then... Until, my caged heart is opened and I love for someone again... Awesome poem, I really do liked it...

*divine_punishment* · Nov 13, 2006, 06:33 AM

Wow. A few grammar mistakes (but, then again, I'm an English major), but otherwise very nice. Very emotive. Keep practicing. You may want to look at other artists (I strongly recommend Anne Sexton) to get a feel of other styles and see which one fits you best. I applaud you.

*HolderOfTheDarkChalice* · Nov 13, 2006, 06:39 AM

thanks i will look her up am always looking to improve my self and style
and im still working on grammer ect. but im getting better i think.

and i agree love like that is rare and glad i you liked the poem
and a caged heart always seems to have alot of love but some just
never get the chance to give it like they want

*BlueFox1* · Nov 13, 2006, 10:59 AM

Bro I felt these emotions before and you captured them perfectly! I like your style of writing, and I have to say you and Shini have some outstanding writing style and I proud to have you as my bro, and Shini as my Angel! Keep up the great work Bro!

Sincere · Nov 13, 2006, 04:28 PM

This was a very good poem. I liked your emotion in it and the feelings. You did well with your style, which I have grown to like, and I can't wait to read more by you. Very nice.

*CherryBlossom18* · Nov 13, 2006, 08:48 PM

That was a very sweet poem. It was so touching. I really liked how you brought out all the emotions.

Gods_Dragon · Nov 14, 2006, 07:50 PM

You have described my feelings with perfection. I have felt those exact emotions. I'm still trying to shake it, but thank you... That was a perfect expression of a powerfull word... "Emotion."

Noxious_Craft · Nov 14, 2006, 09:12 PM

aaaaw holder that was sweet, i wanna give you a hug

Pride_Edward · Nov 15, 2006, 02:30 AM

The poem was too long,poems are short actually but even though its very long,the message was clear. Maybe it just needs some certain arrangement...

Sincere · Nov 16, 2006, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pride_Edward

The poem was too long,poems are short actually but even though its very long,the message was clear. Maybe it just needs some certain arrangement...

I didn't think it was too long. I have written longer, have you visited my journal?

But anyway, I think poetry is about expressing your feelings and not about sticking to guidlines, so I say, Chris, if you want to write longer, go for it, I'm sure they will be great as well

Nov 13, 2006, 05:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
HolderOfTheDarkChalice Tournaments Won: 1 King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above Posts: 2,839 Thanks: 34 Thanked 33 Times in 31 Posts Credits: 5,581	The Pain Of Her As you walk away from what we have i sit here with tear's streaming down my face, the only thing i feel is a heart that is dieing if you would just turn around and see how i hurt as you go to him with a smile. As i keep my promise to wait for you all i feel is the emptyness in my heart that you leave as ' you never come to me ,then i lay there in my lonelyness and feel the cold from that empty space you leave with me, then i close my eyes as they burn from the tears refusing to fall anymore. You smile as you go through your life feeling all those things others take for granted as i think of you being with me like this, i then scream into my pillow as i ball my fist's up in anger wishing so badly that you could be mine, nothing really matters anymore not even life because with you gone i have no life. The time has come for me to accept the fact you will never come to me as i see you keep smiling in his arms ,while i stand there watching you laugh as i stand there in the back ground seeing you laugh and always comforted, as i walk away once more smiling now knowing my chance with you is for ever gone as the years pass but i still wait as my love will never waver for you. this poem is about how love can affect someone so great that they will wait forever no matter the odds of having the one they love. this poem has nothing to do with me personally because i am very happy in case anyone was wondering but any comments or suggestions are welcomed __________________
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Nov 13, 2006, 06:14 AM	#2 (permalink)
SousukeSagara Mercenary Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: War zones around the globe... Posts: 528 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 901	Re: The Pain Of Her This poem takes me back in time where I waited for someone who I do really love... But she was someone that time but I never lose hope back then... Until, my caged heart is opened and I love for someone again... Awesome poem, I really do liked it... __________________
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Nov 13, 2006, 06:33 AM	#3 (permalink)
divine_punishment Shining Star Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Good question . . . where am I? Posts: 1,271 Thanks: 22 Thanked 27 Times in 22 Posts Credits: 59,274	Re: The Pain Of Her Wow. A few grammar mistakes (but, then again, I'm an English major), but otherwise very nice. Very emotive. Keep practicing. You may want to look at other artists (I strongly recommend Anne Sexton) to get a feel of other styles and see which one fits you best. I applaud you. __________________ Bite Me!
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Nov 13, 2006, 06:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
HolderOfTheDarkChalice Tournaments Won: 1 King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above Posts: 2,839 Thanks: 34 Thanked 33 Times in 31 Posts Credits: 5,581	Re: The Pain Of Her thanks i will look her up am always looking to improve my self and style and im still working on grammer ect. but im getting better i think. and i agree love like that is rare and glad i you liked the poem and a caged heart always seems to have alot of love but some just never get the chance to give it like they want __________________
Status: Offline

Nov 13, 2006, 10:59 AM	#5 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Devoted Otaku Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,286	Re: The Pain Of Her Bro I felt these emotions before and you captured them perfectly! I like your style of writing, and I have to say you and Shini have some outstanding writing style and I proud to have you as my bro, and Shini as my Angel! Keep up the great work Bro! __________________
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Nov 13, 2006, 04:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
Sincere Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Justin's heart Posts: 307 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 364	Re: The Pain Of Her This was a very good poem. I liked your emotion in it and the feelings. You did well with your style, which I have grown to like, and I can't wait to read more by you. Very nice. __________________ $C:\Documents and Settings\Julia\My Documents\My Pictures\Siggy.jpg$ A white rose no longer alone I know who's heart it is to represent I didn't pick it, but i let it grow For he's the one that's heaven sent. : I love you, my White Rose.: The Poop Forums
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Nov 13, 2006, 08:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
CherryBlossom18 Heavy Metal Goddess Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: a place where the stars shine as bright as the sun Posts: 578 Thanks: 1 Thanked 16 Times in 16 Posts Credits: 2,616	Re: The Pain Of Her That was a very sweet poem. It was so touching. I really liked how you brought out all the emotions. __________________ "Sunset Kisses Along The Beach" Made for me by HolderofTheDarkChalice Thanks so much I love it!
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Nov 14, 2006, 07:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
Gods_Dragon Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Zion Posts: 240 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 593	Re: The Pain Of Her You have described my feelings with perfection. I have felt those exact emotions. I'm still trying to shake it, but thank you... That was a perfect expression of a powerfull word... "Emotion." __________________ Thanks for the avatar & sig Rave_Grip you rock! There is but one judge... ~Stay blessed
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Nov 14, 2006, 09:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
Noxious_Craft Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: My den Posts: 304 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 248	Re: The Pain Of Her aaaaw holder that was sweet, i wanna give you a hug __________________
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Nov 15, 2006, 02:30 AM	#10 (permalink)
Pride_Edward Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 247 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 110	Re: The Pain Of Her The poem was too long,poems are short actually but even though its very long,the message was clear. Maybe it just needs some certain arrangement... __________________ Our own site: http://www.fma-adikz.tk
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