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Thread: Pain of Loss (Illness of Indemnity)

  1. #1
    Laid Back Otaku Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun's Avatar
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    Cool Pain of Loss (Illness of Indemnity)

    You were my light
    That lead my way
    It was your voice
    Giving me strength each day

    All those times
    We were with each other
    When we spoke
    I remember I would stutter

    Everyday I would pray
    Hoping you would get better
    Then when you passed away
    A part of me died

    The warmth from your touch now gone
    Leaving my heart as cold as ice
    Now here's my question
    Why did she have to pay the price?

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    Otaku Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me may be famous one day Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me may be famous one day Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me's Avatar
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    Re: Pain of Loss (Illness of Indemnity)

    Nice poem but it couldv'e been longer.

    I like this stanza:
    All those times
    We were with each other
    When we spoke
    I remember I would stutter
    Even though stutter dosn't rhyme directly with other, its a good choice of wording. Its cute how people stutter when they are with someone. ^^

    TY Sasurai for the lovely sig!*

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    Otaku Reese may be famous one day Reese may be famous one day
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    Re: Pain of Loss (Illness of Indemnity)

    The warmth from your touch now gone
    Leaving my heart as cold as ice
    Graphic!! What can I say, a good visual poem is always welcomed. I think the majority can really relate to this poem.
    To be honest the ending could have been written better. But overall this was a very well formed piece.
    Good job.

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    Otaku jeilee may be famous one day jeilee may be famous one day jeilee's Avatar
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    Re: Pain of Loss (Illness of Indemnity)

    i love the poem!
    is that your work?
    well great job!

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    Re: Pain of Loss (Illness of Indemnity)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tano-kun
    The warmth from your touch now gone
    Leaving my heart as cold as ice
    Now here's my question
    Why did she have to pay the price?
    wow, that poem was pretty deep

    ^that'd be my favorite verse and I so dearly hope that the poem has nothing to do with real personal loss

  6. #6
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Pain of Loss (Illness of Indemnity)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tano-kun
    You were my light
    That lead my way
    It was your voice
    Giving me strength each day

    All those times
    We were with each other
    When we spoke
    I remember I would stutter

    Everyday I would pray
    Hoping you would get better
    Then when you passed away
    A part of me died

    The warmth from your touch now gone
    Leaving my heart as cold as ice
    Now here's my question
    Why did she have to pay the price?
    i hoped it could be longer...but still...
    very deep indeed...

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