So hard to start, don’t know where to begin
The overwhelming dilemma
The occasional trauma
The recent incidents
To frequent accidents
The dents in my body,
The vents in my wounds
The carnage of my mind
The blasphemy in my eyes
Like everything, it started on the day
Where you and I met, face to face, eyes to eyes
Smile to smile … secrets to secrets …
Hands to be held, hearts to be shared
Something’s not right
There is a stench of upheaval, the rise of
Perplexity in the air
Like the idiot I am, it takes me a while to realize,
The void of tribulation awaits me
Now that I look back at it, I feel foolish either way
I didn’t realize nor should I’ve chosen to oppose this,
To fall for my stupid mistake again…
I wonder who to blame,
I drown in the overall shame
I repent for taking this path, where I am now
I look down, casting my own shadow, eyes half closed
Tears wont flow,
Crying wont help
Nor my envisage would help me escape
This unpleasant, thorny, hurtful, whimpering reality
I still ask myself these questions…
Was all the passion, compassion, determination for waste?
Was there not enough heart and soul in “I love you”?
Was all the time wasted, spent and sacrificed for granted?
Why did you hide you true self?
Why did you not confide in me?
Why didn’t you tell me of your true pain?
What was the reason for your untimely yet frequent betrayal?
Were those tears for fake?
Were those smiles for real?
Oh how you mesmerize me, oh void of tribulation…
She cant even say I love you to me
Nor would she talk to me
Nor does she wants to get too close too me because she is scared
I understand she's going through a though time
Not that she cares about me knowing that I’m always there for her
She cares, believe me, deeply inside she does even if
She doesn't want to show it or say it
I doubt it
She wouldn’t tell me everything
She has her reasons to lie
She would say yes to her guys no matter what they do
Why?
Why push me away when I’m too close to you?
Why intentionally lie to me, expecting us to separate?
Why come back to me, wanting me to hold you?
Why don’t you realize that that this confusion is killing me!
… I know you still care
I know … that I don’t want you to be heartless again
Why do you act so stupid …?
[And make me write so much …?]
