Thread: Pane

This is a very interesting poem, especially the first half or so. It's very descriptive and well thought out. Funny thing: When I seen the title in the thread column, I thought someone mispelled "pain", LOL. Forget the fact that windows have panes.

tearing his face apart,
and be now his blood filled eyes....
gashing at his chest,
as he bleedily lies....

That last line at the bottom is kinda iffy. I don't think bleedily is a word. I'd try something like:

tearing his face apart,
and now his blood filled eyes....
gashing at his chest,
as his bloody body lies....

Just a suggestion. It's a grammar thing... ^_^ Either way, I like your work and I'm looking forward to reading more by you. Kudos!

I like "pane" as in a sheet of glass as opposed to "pain." Very witty there.

Mind your grammar. (Listen to Atomik's suggestion; he's right.) Don't forget to capitalize!!!

It was a very descriptive poem by you Shade. I really you described the glass falling on the main character. It really did help create the atmosphere of being useless in a situation like that. Where you watch the world around you while your falling helplessly.

Apart from others have previously said, I was able to fully read the poem without having to stop and re-read any part. It flowed really one from one line to the next. Especially at the start where you just used one word per line, it really did sum up the situation nicely.

Another great piece from you Shade. I hope to read more from you soon.