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Reply With QuoteYou have the vocabulary, but I think visual imagery is lacking.
Patriots Reality
Grinding gears of greased ghouls,
Cover canisters with coarse coals
Melt the metal with militia malice.
Bomb ballistics to bring the balance.
Masses play with nuclear chess pieces.
Contemplating the movement of riches.
Casting away dust covered riddles.
To play with their death tuned fiddles.
Drum thumps to rhythmic galumphs.
Footprints followed in desert triumphs
Political dances to bring forth dominance.
Children track the footpath for prominence.
Dormant patriots that view from afar,
Bravely encourage the acts of war.
While the hated children of sun,
Wish it could end as quickly as it begun
Fr3aK~0f~N@Tu|23
You have the vocabulary, but I think visual imagery is lacking.
Seduced by Flesh
*throws dictionay behind me*
Besides the old fashion wording.
Its a great poem. I get the harsh way.
Um I could say more, but that just maybe the style//...
It's not supposed to have "visual imagery" but rather portray emotion towards a subject... pay attention to how things are worded... there are metaphors and analogies that are used to show a certain point example:
Dormant patriots that view from afar,
Bravely encourage the acts of war.
While the hated children of sun,
Wish it could end as quickly as it begun
This is calling all those patriots at america rooting for the war... cowards. and shows what we have as opposed to the piece of shit place we're bombing the shit out of.
Sheesh.. maby I should use smaller words.
Fr3aK~0f~N@Tu|23
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