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Old Jun 02, 2007, 04:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
Diamond in the Rough
 
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Red face Pick Up Lines Between Love & Hate

To feel your
lips againt
mine
one last
time,

So I can
drown
with a
frown,

For each broken
heart
that has fallen
apart

This last bit of
feeling
I've spent
stealing

to finally
feel
what used
to be so
real

As my lungs
begin to
fill
I need to live
still

To pick you
up from your
fall
as you begin to
call

Without a second
thought
and every battle
that I
fought

As I keep going
Under
forever listening
to the
Thunder...
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Old Jun 02, 2007, 05:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
Diamond in the Rough
 
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Re: Pick Up Lines Between Love & Hate

well thats a good use of ryhme and you have very short stanzas which to me makes the poem seem more faster
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Old Jun 02, 2007, 05:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
♡♥I love you Kyle Kun!♥♡
 
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Re: Pick Up Lines Between Love & Hate

OH WOW SUch an AMAZING POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First it's all love but it turns to hate!!! Thats such amazing!!! I hope to see more!
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Old Jun 02, 2007, 10:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
1 Highscore
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Re: Pick Up Lines Between Love & Hate

that was such as a nice poem ...i like the way you writed in short sentences like what aeonking say to make it faster ....hope to see more from you ...keep up....
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