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Thread: Piece of Mind....

  1. #1
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Piece of Mind....

    If you didn't know me...
    Say we just met.
    You have much to wrap your head around...
    ....................I bet.

    I bet you'd wonder
    how it all got so dirty.
    And, why do I sit here
    and continue to hurt me.

    Please... take off your shoes
    before you crawl in my head.
    To reminisce on pain
    From the bullshit I've been fed.

    It wont be long now...
    As it melts and falls off me.
    Soon I'll be hot.
    Just as hot as your coffee.

    Dont double cross me,
    Then look at me flirty.
    It wont be as easy
    For any one man to hurt me.

    So take off your shoes,
    Before you crawl in my mind.
    I've heard it before,
    No matter how kind.

    I know, you don't know me.
    So don't get upset...
    ...from a piece of my mind
    You won't soon forget.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  2. #2
    Newbie Ninja_Amaya is off to a good start Ninja_Amaya's Avatar
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    Re: Piece of Mind....

    wow impressive job.
    I love the mood you create.
    The images you use are wonderful.
    The coherence has a nice flow.
    good job!

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    Peach_follows (Jun 30, 2008)

  4. #3
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Re: Piece of Mind....

    Just how dirty is your mind..? lol ^_^ I liked how you stepped outside the box to show case your pain in a whole different perspective... Something even I wouldn't thought of, I guess that is why I always love & admire your work... <Don't worry even if you heard this all before, it's the truth> ^_^ I also have to compliment you on "Sometimes I Cry" writing it was uplifting in a weird kinda a way letting me know you can cry, but you also have to let it burn... The line "You used this heart of mine"...
    "To tide you over, to pass the time." also got me...

    * Since you took the time to read & comment my writing I had to do the same, but know this <You & a few others on here I always liked & love y'all work, it's because of writers like you all who makes me wanna' be better & 'ppreciate your comments, critique>

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

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