A poem

Yo RayMe, here's the poem that I supposedly "owe" yall. Guess the last one didn't count since I just hi-jacked your thread and posted it there. :joker:
It's up to you guys whether you want to critique or whatever, it'll be my last poem anyways.

Here goes:

Once again you sit in front of me
In your pearl white outfit
Putting a smile on my face

Every time you come along
All my problems are gone
Parts of me are no longer empty

My stomach
My pockets
My gas tank

It is a shame
That you cannot stay
There is no other way

You have to go
But in my heart I know
That we will meet
Again in two weeks

:worship: PAYCHECK!!! :joker:

Creative~!! This is very good @.@ :laugh: oh god... i love poems like this too bad im not that creative to make 1... *rofl*

Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good :) I like it very much :D I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre.. :p

Pretty please? :D

last word... is.. Damn enjoyable.. :) keep up the good work...i hope... because you said you aint writing no more.. *sighs* :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Legend

:worship: PAYCHECK!!! :joker:

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OMFG! :laugh::laugh::laugh: That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck! :laugh: It all makes sence now!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by divine_punishment

OMFG! :laugh::laugh::laugh: That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck! :laugh: It all makes sence now!

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:eek: Hooker?? How did you come to that conclusion?? lol Wouldn't in that case make my pockets and stomach more empty instead of the other way around?? I will probably be throwing up and having to pay her. I was contemplating on whether to write the word out, but I was afraid of misinterpretation so I guess it did come in handy by writing out paycheck.

It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

?

Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
because that is honestly what I got :(

Nonono,
please.

Rewrite this.
With more depth.
With more thought.
With more meaning.

Oh wow.
Wow Michael.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RayMe

Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good :) I like it very much :D I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre.. :p

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:nono:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The White Wolf

It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
because that is honestly what I got :(

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Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem. :rolleyes1:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The White Wolf

Nonono,
please.

Rewrite this.
With more depth.
With more thought.
With more meaning.

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Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey. ;)

ooo v coolies poem i have never read one from you before and its a surprise u dont write more ....

and this poem gets 10/10 i really liked it ^^

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Legend

Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem. :rolleyes1:



Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey. ;)

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Your poem has acquired five stars.

What has the world come to?

Ah, I miss you man. Yeh, I take things too seriously at times. Sorry. I was just browsing the poetry section and came across some very well written poems and then I come across yours and wow.

It was like a slap in the face.

:D