A poem

*Legend* · Oct 18, 2007, 02:14 AM

Yo RayMe, here's the poem that I supposedly "owe" yall. Guess the last one didn't count since I just hi-jacked your thread and posted it there.

It's up to you guys whether you want to critique or whatever, it'll be my last poem anyways.

Here goes:

Once again you sit in front of me
In your pearl white outfit
Putting a smile on my face

Every time you come along
All my problems are gone
Parts of me are no longer empty

My stomach
My pockets
My gas tank

It is a shame
That you cannot stay
There is no other way

You have to go
But in my heart I know
That we will meet
Again in two weeks

PAYCHECK!!!

*RayMe* · Oct 18, 2007, 02:40 AM

Creative~!! This is very good @.@

oh god... i love poems like this too bad im not that creative to make 1... *rofl*

Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good

I like it very much

I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre..

Pretty please?

last word... is.. Damn enjoyable..

keep up the good work...i hope... because you said you aint writing no more.. *sighs*

*divine_punishment* · Oct 18, 2007, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legend

PAYCHECK!!!

OMFG!

That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck!

It all makes sence now!

*Legend* · Oct 18, 2007, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine_punishment

OMFG!

That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck!

It all makes sence now!

Hooker?? How did you come to that conclusion?? lol Wouldn't in that case make my pockets and stomach more empty instead of the other way around?? I will probably be throwing up and having to pay her. I was contemplating on whether to write the word out, but I was afraid of misinterpretation so I guess it did come in handy by writing out paycheck.

!The White Wolf · Oct 19, 2007, 12:44 AM

It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

?

Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
because that is honestly what I got

Nonono,
please.

Rewrite this.
With more depth.
With more thought.
With more meaning.

Oh wow.
Wow Michael.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RayMe

Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good

I like it very much

I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre..

*Legend* · Oct 19, 2007, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The White Wolf

It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
because that is honestly what I got

Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The White Wolf

Nonono,
please.

Rewrite this.
With more depth.
With more thought.
With more meaning.

Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey.

*equinn* · Oct 19, 2007, 06:40 AM

ooo v coolies poem i have never read one from you before and its a surprise u dont write more ....

and this poem gets 10/10 i really liked it ^^

!The White Wolf · Oct 19, 2007, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legend

Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem.

Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey.

Your poem has acquired five stars.

What has the world come to?

Ah, I miss you man. Yeh, I take things too seriously at times. Sorry. I was just browsing the poetry section and came across some very well written poems and then I come across yours and wow.

It was like a slap in the face.

!AngelicDemon201092 · Oct 19, 2007, 06:22 PM

lol.. oh my.. that's priceless. ^-^ I loved it a lot.

At first i was thinking um.. okay i guess he's talking about a girl. and you wasn't. it was really good! It was the 2ed thing that made me really happy today. ^-^

*Legend* · Oct 19, 2007, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The White Wolf

Your poem has acquired five stars.

What has the world come to?

Ah, I miss you man. Yeh, I take things too seriously at times. Sorry. I was just browsing the poetry section and came across some very well written poems and then I come across yours and wow.

It was like a slap in the face.

Awww~~ I'm very sorry, does it hurt??

Can I kiss the boo boo??

Anyways, I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations ;_;. I can never be as good as jimmy! xD But I mean cmon, this was a product of a 15 minute shower where I do most of my daily singing/thinking. So for what it's worth shouldn't I get five stars??

But hey, since we go way back, just for you, I'll rate myself 1 star.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelicDemon201092

lol.. oh my.. that's priceless. ^-^ I loved it a lot.

At first i was thinking um.. okay i guess he's talking about a girl. and you wasn't. it was really good! It was the 2ed thing that made me really happy today. ^-^

Well I not sure if it's really good, but hey if it did put a smile on your face or even gave you a giggle, I think it served its purpose.

!The White Wolf · Oct 19, 2007, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legend

Awww~~ I'm very sorry, does it hurt??

Can I kiss the boo boo??

Yes!

You may. :]]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legend

Anyways, I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations ;_;. I can never be as good as jimmy! xD But I mean cmon, this was a product of a 15 minute shower where I do most of my daily singing/thinking. So for what it's worth shouldn't I get five stars??

But hey, since we go way back, just for you, I'll rate myself 1 star.

Aha awe, no not one star.
You deserve at least two

Y'know. Why not five for even writing a poem.

Kudos to you Michael!
Kudos to you.

Oct 18, 2007, 02:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
Legend Legendary Otaku Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Sharks Territory Posts: 4,626 Thanks: 49 Thanked 62 Times in 56 Posts Credits: 7,287	A poem Yo RayMe, here's the poem that I supposedly "owe" yall. Guess the last one didn't count since I just hi-jacked your thread and posted it there. It's up to you guys whether you want to critique or whatever, it'll be my last poem anyways. Here goes: Once again you sit in front of me In your pearl white outfit Putting a smile on my face Every time you come along All my problems are gone Parts of me are no longer empty My stomach My pockets My gas tank It is a shame That you cannot stay There is no other way You have to go But in my heart I know That we will meet Again in two weeks PAYCHECK!!! __________________ Layla~~ LEGEND IS: UP TO SOMETHING, GOOD FOR NOTHING.
Status: Offline

Oct 18, 2007, 02:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,606 Thanks: 55 Thanked 27 Times in 24 Posts Credits: 59,502	Re: A poem Creative~!! This is very good @.@ oh god... i love poems like this too bad im not that creative to make 1... rofl Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good I like it very much I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre.. Pretty please? last word... is.. Damn enjoyable.. keep up the good work...i hope... because you said you aint writing no more.. sighs __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
Status: Offline

Oct 19, 2007, 06:40 AM	#7 (permalink)
equinn Ao's official cat girl~★ Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Emerald island (Eire) (Ireland) Posts: 1,681 Thanks: 11 Thanked 30 Times in 28 Posts Credits: 19,781	Re: A poem ooo v coolies poem i have never read one from you before and its a surprise u dont write more .... and this poem gets 10/10 i really liked it ^^ __________________ Lizzie + Phil together for 8 months! and to be longer! WOOP! http://neko-panda.deviantart.com/
Status: Offline

Oct 19, 2007, 06:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
!AngelicDemon201092 Banned Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lindsborg Posts: 155 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 6,221	Re: A poem lol.. oh my.. that's priceless. ^-^ I loved it a lot. At first i was thinking um.. okay i guess he's talking about a girl. and you wasn't. it was really good! It was the 2ed thing that made me really happy today. ^-^
Status: Offline

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