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Old Oct 18, 2007, 02:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A poem

Yo RayMe, here's the poem that I supposedly "owe" yall. Guess the last one didn't count since I just hi-jacked your thread and posted it there.
It's up to you guys whether you want to critique or whatever, it'll be my last poem anyways.

Here goes:

Once again you sit in front of me
In your pearl white outfit
Putting a smile on my face

Every time you come along
All my problems are gone
Parts of me are no longer empty

My stomach
My pockets
My gas tank

It is a shame
That you cannot stay
There is no other way

You have to go
But in my heart I know
That we will meet
Again in two weeks

PAYCHECK!!!
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Old Oct 18, 2007, 02:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

Creative~!! This is very good @.@ oh god... i love poems like this too bad im not that creative to make 1... *rofl*

Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good I like it very much I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre..

Pretty please?

last word... is.. Damn enjoyable.. keep up the good work...i hope... because you said you aint writing no more.. *sighs*
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Old Oct 18, 2007, 08:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

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Originally Posted by Legend View Post
PAYCHECK!!!
OMFG! That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck! It all makes sence now!
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Old Oct 18, 2007, 12:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

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Originally Posted by divine_punishment View Post
OMFG! That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck! It all makes sence now!
Hooker?? How did you come to that conclusion?? lol Wouldn't in that case make my pockets and stomach more empty instead of the other way around?? I will probably be throwing up and having to pay her. I was contemplating on whether to write the word out, but I was afraid of misinterpretation so I guess it did come in handy by writing out paycheck.
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Old Oct 19, 2007, 12:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

?

Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
because that is honestly what I got

Nonono,
please.

Rewrite this.
With more depth.
With more thought.
With more meaning.

Oh wow.
Wow Michael.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good I like it very much I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre..
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Old Oct 19, 2007, 01:57 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

Quote:
Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
because that is honestly what I got
Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
Nonono,
please.

Rewrite this.
With more depth.
With more thought.
With more meaning.
Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey.
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Old Oct 19, 2007, 06:40 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

ooo v coolies poem i have never read one from you before and its a surprise u dont write more ....

and this poem gets 10/10 i really liked it ^^
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Old Oct 19, 2007, 05:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend View Post
Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem.



Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey.
Your poem has acquired five stars.

What has the world come to?

Ah, I miss you man. Yeh, I take things too seriously at times. Sorry. I was just browsing the poetry section and came across some very well written poems and then I come across yours and wow.

It was like a slap in the face.

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Old Oct 19, 2007, 06:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

lol.. oh my.. that's priceless. ^-^ I loved it a lot.

At first i was thinking um.. okay i guess he's talking about a girl. and you wasn't. it was really good! It was the 2ed thing that made me really happy today. ^-^
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Old Oct 19, 2007, 06:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

Quote:
Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
Your poem has acquired five stars.

What has the world come to?

Ah, I miss you man. Yeh, I take things too seriously at times. Sorry. I was just browsing the poetry section and came across some very well written poems and then I come across yours and wow.

It was like a slap in the face.

Awww~~ I'm very sorry, does it hurt?? Can I kiss the boo boo??

Anyways, I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations ;_;. I can never be as good as jimmy! xD But I mean cmon, this was a product of a 15 minute shower where I do most of my daily singing/thinking. So for what it's worth shouldn't I get five stars??

But hey, since we go way back, just for you, I'll rate myself 1 star.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelicDemon201092 View Post
lol.. oh my.. that's priceless. ^-^ I loved it a lot.

At first i was thinking um.. okay i guess he's talking about a girl. and you wasn't. it was really good! It was the 2ed thing that made me really happy today. ^-^
Well I not sure if it's really good, but hey if it did put a smile on your face or even gave you a giggle, I think it served its purpose.
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Old Oct 19, 2007, 07:01 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: A poem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend View Post
Awww~~ I'm very sorry, does it hurt?? Can I kiss the boo boo??
Yes!
You may. :]]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend View Post
Anyways, I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations ;_;. I can never be as good as jimmy! xD But I mean cmon, this was a product of a 15 minute shower where I do most of my daily singing/thinking. So for what it's worth shouldn't I get five stars??

But hey, since we go way back, just for you, I'll rate myself 1 star.
Aha awe, no not one star.
You deserve at least two

Y'know. Why not five for even writing a poem.

Kudos to you Michael!
Kudos to you.
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