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Thread: A poem

  1. #1
    Legendary Otaku Snake Champion, Zelda Champion, Crazy Koala Champion, Minigolf Champion, Concentrate Champion, Guess 5 Champion, Batting Champ Champion, Beach Ball Control Champion, Bookworm Champion, Wacky Word Wiz Champion, Fight Fight 3 Champion, Spinner's Luck Champion, Traffic Jam Champion, Yeti Pengu Throw Champion Legend is making a name for themselves Legend is making a name for themselves Legend is making a name for themselves Legend's Avatar
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    A poem

    Yo RayMe, here's the poem that I supposedly "owe" yall. Guess the last one didn't count since I just hi-jacked your thread and posted it there.
    It's up to you guys whether you want to critique or whatever, it'll be my last poem anyways.

    Here goes:

    Once again you sit in front of me
    In your pearl white outfit
    Putting a smile on my face

    Every time you come along
    All my problems are gone
    Parts of me are no longer empty

    My stomach
    My pockets
    My gas tank

    It is a shame
    That you cannot stay
    There is no other way

    You have to go
    But in my heart I know
    That we will meet
    Again in two weeks

    PAYCHECK!!!

    'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
    'Cause someday I might call you from my heart

  2. #2
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    Re: A poem

    Creative~!! This is very good @.@ oh god... i love poems like this too bad im not that creative to make 1... *rofl*

    Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good I like it very much I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre..

    Pretty please?

    last word... is.. Damn enjoyable.. keep up the good work...i hope... because you said you aint writing no more.. *sighs*

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: A poem

    Quote Originally Posted by Legend View Post
    PAYCHECK!!!
    OMFG! That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck! It all makes sence now!

  4. #4
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    Re: A poem

    Quote Originally Posted by divine_punishment View Post
    OMFG! That was fantastic. I didn't get it at first! Then, I saw PAYCHECK! That is good . . . . I thought for half a second you were talking to a woman, then a hooker, then your paycheck! It all makes sence now!
    Hooker?? How did you come to that conclusion?? lol Wouldn't in that case make my pockets and stomach more empty instead of the other way around?? I will probably be throwing up and having to pay her. I was contemplating on whether to write the word out, but I was afraid of misinterpretation so I guess it did come in handy by writing out paycheck.

    'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
    'Cause someday I might call you from my heart

  5. #5
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: A poem

    It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

    ?

    Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
    because that is honestly what I got

    Nonono,
    please.

    Rewrite this.
    With more depth.
    With more thought.
    With more meaning.

    Oh wow.
    Wow Michael.

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    Nicely done.. the rhymes and the way the poem goes is very good I like it very much I hope you will write more though.. the poem section could use some1 of your calibre..

  6. #6
    Legendary Otaku Snake Champion, Zelda Champion, Crazy Koala Champion, Minigolf Champion, Concentrate Champion, Guess 5 Champion, Batting Champ Champion, Beach Ball Control Champion, Bookworm Champion, Wacky Word Wiz Champion, Fight Fight 3 Champion, Spinner's Luck Champion, Traffic Jam Champion, Yeti Pengu Throw Champion Legend is making a name for themselves Legend is making a name for themselves Legend is making a name for themselves Legend's Avatar
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    Re: A poem

    Quote Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
    It was so painful sitting here, trying to go through your poem. I saw no pattern, no style, no anything.

    Were you writing this just for the sake of typing?
    because that is honestly what I got
    Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem.

    Quote Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
    Nonono,
    please.

    Rewrite this.
    With more depth.
    With more thought.
    With more meaning.
    Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey.

    'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
    'Cause someday I might call you from my heart

  7. #7
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    Re: A poem

    ooo v coolies poem i have never read one from you before and its a surprise u dont write more ....

    and this poem gets 10/10 i really liked it ^^

  8. #8
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: A poem

    Quote Originally Posted by Legend View Post
    Yeah probably. Or maybe it's a symbolism of some stuff we as staff have to go through everyday? Nah, I'm shitting ya it's a crappy poem.



    Eh don't count on it. It has already served the two purpose I want, giving RayMe the "poem" I promised him (by the way props for your month of fasting), and to have a little humor for everybody to laugh at. Don't get so serious about it wolfey.
    Your poem has acquired five stars.

    What has the world come to?

    Ah, I miss you man. Yeh, I take things too seriously at times. Sorry. I was just browsing the poetry section and came across some very well written poems and then I come across yours and wow.

    It was like a slap in the face.


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