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Newbie Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Wichita, Kansas USA
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![]() ![]() Credits: 110 | The love once had, now disappeared Left me scarred in heart and mind I had to choose to go on or to dwell on love past I decided to go on and try to forget As hard as I try I can’t forget the pain she caused Or the suffering she’s brought me One way or another I will make her pay And revenge will be the drop of wine on my tongue. O so sweet. |
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Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida
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![]() ![]() Credits: 1,490 | Re: Poem 4 of 7 I loved the first and second verse of the first stanza. In fact, after reading those two? I quickly lost interest. I think it's the way you conveyed revenge.. It left me hoping for a way that you go back on your find. And instead find forgiveness. I'm not saying that I want you to chnage the emotion of the poem to fit my opinion. I'm not saying you should change it all. Well, I am a little bit. Lol. I'd suggest using those pretty words I speak of so fondly? Make me FEEL what the character is feeling. Words have power. And let me tell you, you have a way with your writing. You just have to make me FEEL the words. Not just read them and understand the meaning.
__________________ Seduced by Flesh ![]() |
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