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Thread: Poem 4 of 7

  1. #1
    Newbie EternalNaraku77 may be famous one day EternalNaraku77 may be famous one day
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    Post Poem 4 of 7

    The love once had, now disappeared
    Left me scarred in heart and mind
    I had to choose to go on or to dwell on love past
    I decided to go on and try to forget

    As hard as I try I can’t forget the pain she caused
    Or the suffering she’s brought me
    One way or another I will make her pay
    And revenge will be the drop of wine on my tongue. O so sweet.

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Poem 4 of 7

    I loved the first and second verse of the first stanza. In fact, after reading those two? I quickly lost interest. I think it's the way you conveyed revenge.. It left me hoping for a way that you go back on your find. And instead find forgiveness.

    I'm not saying that I want you to chnage the emotion of the poem to fit my opinion. I'm not saying you should change it all. Well, I am a little bit. Lol. I'd suggest using those pretty words I speak of so fondly? Make me FEEL what the character is feeling. Words have power. And let me tell you, you have a way with your writing. You just have to make me FEEL the words. Not just read them and understand the meaning.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Newbie unknown&uncaredfor may be famous one day unknown&uncaredfor may be famous one day
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    Re: Poem 4 of 7

    i liked it but it was about me any way so i understand it better

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