poem untitled

The darkest night calls and daunts
his kiss i still feel and still haunts.
The warm nights don't give comfort
my heart now full of disdain
As i try to find ways to alleviate my pain.

The wind whispers :
What a fool you have been,
to ever trust and love again?
Did you think someone will ever be true?
i have no answer as i gaze down
and ask myself :what else could i do?

I slowly start to stare out into space,
As tears slowly begin to roll down my face.
Hurt by the betrayal of someone i trust
Now i slowly realize that this can never last.

What can she have that i lost?
Now i feel i fell in love at my hearts cost.
Will it always be like this to fall in love?
Now i feel push has come to a shove.


My heart is broken and i feel astray
i don't think i can ever feel this way.
the price is too high to pay,
but as i look on and face the moon
i know i fell in love too soon.


**note pls comment on the poem lol i need feed back

seems like a friends past breakup mixed with one of your own... or just one of your own.
-your meter in the second line is slightly interrupted intentional or not I don't know but it could
be fixed with a simple 'it' in between the words "still haunts"
-maybe try a period after comfort as this will be much more effective as a single phrase instead
of being diluted with another thought.
-[']What a fool you have been... the apostrophe is needed to add to the personification of the wind.
-I love the repitiotion of slowly which adds to the feeling of a long drawn out and agonizing
pain which lasts an eternity that only a broken heart can feel.
-I also like the not rhyme of trust to last which just happens to imply lust.
-'now I feel [as] push has come to shove'
(I would revise this because the unintended but implied inuendo is contrary to your theme.) but
if it's not possible above is my suggestion which might allow it to be excused.
-Since the line after 'my heart is broken...' is seemingly unattatched from the body of thought
which you meant can i suggest one last thing...

My heart is broken and i feel astray
i don't think i [should] ever feel this way.
[for a] price too high to pay.
[Now] as i look on and face the moon
i know i fell in love too soon

all of these are merely suggestions and slightly critical but I don't feel as if I would be doing you or your art justice to be mild with my suggestions so I'm giving it all I got. (which really isn't much)
as stated theses are suggestions do with them what you will.

I don't know if the lowercased i is intentional if it is that's great because I'm thinking it's representative of how small you are feeling (if not this is a possible twist) but if that's not what you're going for I would highly reccomend making the I capital so that it doesn't confuse readers.

My score:
8 (although it's the first time that I think that with a little more work it could easily be a nine or ten) {in perspective great poets (the so-called immortals) usu. get a nine or a ten}

The darkest night calls and daunts
his kiss i still feel it still haunts.
The warm nights don't give comfort.
My heart now full of disdain
As i try to find ways to alleviate my pain.

The wind whispers :
"What a fool you have been,
to ever trust and love again?"
Did you think someone will ever be true?
i have no answer as i gaze down
and ask myself :what else could i do?

I slowly start to stare out into space,
As tears slowly begin to roll down my face.
Hurt by the betrayal of someone i trust
Now i slowly realize that this can never last.

What can she have that i lost?
Now i feel i fell in love at my hearts cost.
Will it always be like this to fall in love?
Now i feel as push has come to shove.


My heart is broken and i feel astray
i don't think i should ever feel this way.
For a price is too high to pay.
Now as i look on and face the moon
i know i fell in love too soon.


reposting with covus' suggestions. thank you very much

"Lost in his abysmal heart"
title suggestion?
ok so now I need to fill smace so that it's acceptable to post so please forgive this babble as the first bit is already a quality post and is only not long enough...