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Thread: Poems...

  1. #9
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: Poems...

    I enjoy reading your form of poetry and read all of them one after another and here are my comments:

    End of a War


    It made me feel the darkness that wars brings upon people and the hope that everyone keeps within them for it to end. As long as someone still has hope, there will be a chance that war will one day come to an end.

    Rewrite...

    It is confusing at first, but after re-reading it, I notice that it is about power and abusing it to fit your personal needs. This can apply to any given situation in life and end up being your downfall in more than one way. It is amusing to read, but more of an intellectual piece, which I appreciated the thought.

    The Darkness

    Exploring yourself and getting to know yourself is what I see here. Seeing what you are and doing what is best to have a good life. The darkness is the part of you that wants to be let loose, the light being the voice of wisdom that keeps the darkness at bay...I kind of made my own thought of what you wrote....

    My love for you...

    Made me smile,

    A voyage to the bottom of the big, deep blue,
    Nothing will prevent me from loving you.
    This part read quickly is what I prefered. The rest didn't seem to get to me as much.


    There, now that I commented on your poetry, would you be kind to look at mine? Though saddly they are in the vault...you just have to click on "Poetry Corner" in my signature to find your way to them

    Oh, and if every you like RPG's as your signature implies, I have started such a section of this forum. PM me if you are interested
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  2. #10
    Newbie Jounin_Uzumaki may be famous one day Jounin_Uzumaki may be famous one day Jounin_Uzumaki's Avatar
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    Re: Poems...

    ok... I know this should be considered a dead thread... but oh well... I have made some revisions on a few poems... and written a few more... here they are...

    ___________________________________________
    “Rewrite” (Edited)
    By
    Jounin_Uzumaki
    ___________________________________________

    What once flowed like a river now is an ocean in a storm
    a place where time and space flow past like a swarm
    This force is everywhere, changing and fitting my needs
    To satisfy my ends, to end my suffering
    Reverse the flow of misfortune,
    Restore what is rightfully mine!
    My deaf executioner torments me with his ignorance
    It is a necessity that I kill my executioner so that he hears my pleads
    But when I killed he who was destined to send me to my end
    I realized that it wasn't he who was my killer, it was I!
    I sentenced myself to death, but now I have another chance
    Fix my errors, correct my path, set into virtuosity
    Reclaim what I have lost, renew my faith,
    to take it all back, and treat it as just a glance
    of what could have happened, if I had not chose to rewrite my past...
    ___________________________________________
    “You Are Gone Now”
    By
    Jounin_Uzumaki
    ___________________________________________

    You are gone now,
    You are gone now.
    Why did your essence have to fade?
    Your absence has turned me into a shade.
    My struggles, all for naught,
    You, are all I have sought.

    From bliss to the pits of despair,
    All for nothing, you are not there.
    My life is all a blur,
    I am nothing without her.

    The time we shared was a blast
    All of it ended, oh so fast.
    Nothing of yours was left to see,
    Nothing was left of you for me.
    Time passes, I heave a sigh
    As I look up to see clouds peppering the sky.

    From bliss to the pits of despair,
    All for nothing, you are not there.
    My life is all a blur,
    I am nothing without her.

    Ashes scattered through the wind,
    I will never forget the days we shared.
    Because you are gone now,
    You are gone now.
    ___________________________________________
    (Note: This next poem is grotesque and not for the faint of heart! It has the purpose of showing the point of view of a person sent over the edge. You have been warned!)
    ___________________________________________
    “Train of Consequences”
    By
    Jounin_Uzumaki
    ___________________________________________

    “I detest your innocent smile,
    Smug as a bug in a rug.
    Those beady blue eyes of yours,
    Claiming a false sense of purity.
    Your nose is as crooked as your soul,
    Your hair, ebon like your sins,
    Sins which shall never be forgiven.

    “That night three years ago,
    I hope you enjoyed your time,
    For you ruined my being back then.
    Intoxicated vision, you climbed into your car,
    Your train of consequences pulled out of the station then,
    It made a wreck out of my life.

    “You caused her death, although none could see it.
    Internal bleeding, she must have suffered so.
    I should make you suffer the same as she did,
    I will claim her vengeance, sevenfold at that!

    “Maybe I’ll cut your gut open,
    Watch as your crimson life force spews out
    And remove your organs as your precious fluids spill.
    Maybe I’ll dissect you while you still breathe,
    I’ll chop your body apart at the joints.
    Or better yet, I’ll combine the two,
    And do this all with a bloodthirsty grin on my face.
    This wreck, it is your train of consequences.”
    Last edited by Jounin_Uzumaki; Dec 19, 2007 at 11:48 AM. Reason: needed to correct a few things quickly...
    I have an RP site... want to join? Then PM me and we'll talk...

    P.S. - Don't hurt me...

  3. #11
    Newbie Jounin_Uzumaki may be famous one day Jounin_Uzumaki may be famous one day Jounin_Uzumaki's Avatar
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    Re: Poems...

    got another new poem/lyric

    ______________________________
    Broken Bushido
    By
    Jounin_Uzumaki

    The path of life has been broken,
    My way has been scattered,
    My essence carried by demonic wings,
    The path has been bloodied by my hands,

    Dragged down to hell by my own hands,
    Satan cowers under my fiendish demands,
    The honour-bound hero fallen to darkness,
    The path to despair and eternal damnation is clear,

    My broken bushido,
    It has made many tears be shed,
    Humans running away in fear,
    Running from bloodshed,
    My broken bushido,

    The honour has long been finished,
    Souls screaming at my eternally dark aura,
    Let all come who will,
    Nothing will end this path, my life, “Sayonara!”
    One with no honour follows no rules!

    My broken bushido,
    It has made many tears be shed,
    Humans running away in fear,
    Running from bloodshed,
    My broken bushido,

    The time has come, sinners end,
    I purify the world through my blade,
    Slice through the flesh and rend,
    Rend out the soul of darkness,
    Eternal damnation has been made clear,
    My demands to purify the world,
    Crushed Lucifer’s innocent mind,

    My broken bushido,
    It has made many tears be shed,
    Humans running away in fear,
    Running from bloodshed,
    My broken bushido,

    The end is nigh, the blade is up on high!
    The heavens shake in fear of my might!
    Hearing the cry of my broken bushido,
    The sinners are purified, tonight!

    My broken bushido,
    It has made many tears be shed,
    Humans running away in fear,
    Running from bloodshed,
    My broken bushido,
    My broken bushido,
    My broken bushido!
    I have an RP site... want to join? Then PM me and we'll talk...

    P.S. - Don't hurt me...

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