+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Poetic Confessions

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility
    Posts
    585
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Red face A Poetic Confession

    A Poetic confession
    by BlueFox1


    Just another freeverse poem I created from one of my recent experinces! Please comment and let me know what you think!


    In my wildest dreams I could never express what I felt when I met you
    Yet now everything that I once thought would turn out to be love is not
    Every rose is not red, every star does not shine and you are not a reality
    My eyes are no longer clouded by misguided emotions or feelings of you


    We talked for hours at a time about any and every subject that came up
    Enjoying each other’s company like two newborns just learning to play
    Wondering where these moments would lead in the world’s forest of lies
    Only to learn that our heartfelt connection would be severed so easily


    Now I can no longer even talked to you to say what’s truly on my mind
    Quickly raising a brick wall like a protective fortress to invading enemies
    Realizing the one you fear most is your own reflection seen within me
    Relentless I try to be heard like a whisper amongst the deafest of ears


    Beginning to understand that I’m merely fading out of existence like time
    The uncanny race to find love begins to wither away like dying dreams
    Hearts begin to lose their brightness turning cold and fragile like glass
    Shattered by emotionless souls casting endless stones into life’s game


    Peace finally returns within this wondering battered shell of person
    Breathing in endless possibilities like poet creating a new work of art
    Hoping for a chance to open up this void where my heart once beat
    Allowing my thought, my dreams, and my love to become acknowledged
    Last edited by BlueFox1; Nov 24, 2007 at 11:48 PM.

  2. #2
    Banned Big Bird Hunting Champion, Magic Ball Champion, Buzzer Champion, Book Worm Champion, Dragonfly Champion, Add It Up Champion, Trivial Blitz 2 Champion KimiFemi is off to a good start KimiFemi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    So many places... I cant remember ...
    Posts
    481
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Re: Poetic Confessions

    awww that makes me sad and a lil upset
    there was a lot of use of simile but I like the images it brought up
    and I'm sorry I toook so long to read it >.< but hope your feeling better *hugs*

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    In a Demon's Arms
    Posts
    1,875
    Thanks
    56
    Thanked 39 Times in 36 Posts

    Re: Poetic Confessions

    WoW! Really, really good. I really like this poem. Though when I first saw it I thought it won't have a very interesting flow... I was wrong- it flows wonderfully and the words you use are so beautiful and quite unusual (I even had to open my vocabulart for one word- thank you for teaching me a new word )

    But I found one mistake (gramar):
    Now I can no longer even talked to you to say what’s truly on my mind
    talk and not taked yay!!! I helped!!! Jk! ^^ I'm just trying to do my best to analyse this. But the thing is that I really like it and can't find nothing wrong with it... Maybe only it was hard for me to follow the thought, but that is because my level of English, which is not as high as I'd wish it to be...

    Oh and I just though I'd mention. These:
    Realizing the one you fear most is your own reflection seen within me
    Relentless I try to be heard like a whisper amongst the deafest of ears
    are my favourite lines, you created perfect immages in my head with these two... Really nice work. and the words and expressions you've chosen here... great... "Your own reflection", "a whisper".... nice....

    Reading this, I really started to wish that I could get over my writers block to be able to write again... *sigh*

    Anyways... another really nice work from you. I hope to see more!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility
    Posts
    585
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Re: Poetic Confessions

    Quote Originally Posted by Lasura View Post
    WoW! Really, really good. I really like this poem. Though when I first saw it I thought it won't have a very interesting flow... I was wrong- it flows wonderfully and the words you use are so beautiful and quite unusual (I even had to open my vocabulart for one word- thank you for teaching me a new word )

    But I found one mistake (gramar):

    talk and not taked yay!!! I helped!!! Jk! ^^ I'm just trying to do my best to analyse this. But the thing is that I really like it and can't find nothing wrong with it... Maybe only it was hard for me to follow the thought, but that is because my level of English, which is not as high as I'd wish it to be...

    Oh and I just though I'd mention. These:

    are my favourite lines, you created perfect immages in my head with these two... Really nice work. and the words and expressions you've chosen here... great... "Your own reflection", "a whisper".... nice....

    Reading this, I really started to wish that I could get over my writers block to be able to write again... *sigh*

    Anyways... another really nice work from you. I hope to see more!
    Lasura: Thank youf for finding the mistakes in my poem and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and look for thing to make me better in my poetry writing, so you did help! yAY! lol! Most of my poetry comes from things that I 've been recently experinced or what my friends are going through so don't worry there will be plenty more where this one came from. My intended purpose for this poem is to present and image in the readers head and I'm glad that the two of the stanza presented such a vivid image! Lasura you rock!



    Quote Originally Posted by KimiFemi View Post
    awww that makes me sad and a lil upset
    there was a lot of use of simile but I like the images it brought up
    and I'm sorry I toook so long to read it >.< but hope your feeling better *hugs*
    Kimi!!!: Well I just wanted the readers to understand what I was feeling and with you saying that, that means that my poem did just that! It's okay that it took you so long to read it, I'm just greatful you even took the time to read it at all and commented on it as well! I am feeling better but I'm working on another one for my friend who is going through some tough times in his marriage. >.< *Hugs Kimi!

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Tales of a Lost Poetic
    By ecclesiastical_chaos in forum Poems
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: Sep 12, 2007, 03:48 PM
  2. A Poetic Meal(made this when hungry that's all!)
    By flaminghate in forum Poems
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Mar 18, 2007, 09:09 PM
  3. confessions of a sad child
    By LostbutFound in forum Poems
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: Nov 08, 2006, 06:10 PM
  4. Gym Class Confessions
    By narrator in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: Apr 26, 2005, 04:28 AM
  5. The Dance (Poetic Story)
    By Shade/K' Heart in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Apr 18, 2005, 05:43 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts