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Thread: A Poet's Decree

  1. #1
    Community Dude Asteroids Champion dude101 may be famous one day dude101 may be famous one day dude101's Avatar
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    A Poet's Decree

    A Poet's Decree

    My rhymes are empty
    And this soul is bland
    Words come out easily
    Yet there is nothing there

    To make a piece for masters
    There are many things at hand
    Not love or sorrow, nor laughter or pain
    But earth, wind, fire, and rain

    With these building blocks in hand
    Men that know the land
    Plan for a new beginning
    Creating a wonder for all of man

    I recognize my failure
    To show every woman and man
    The world is all around us
    Yet we hold it in our hands

    I try to show the world
    The places I have been
    But no one else can experience
    The journey I have seen

    Just wanting some C&C. Still in the draughting stage.

  2. #2
    Newbie mimi111 is off to a good start mimi111's Avatar
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    Re: A Poet's Decree

    I think the beginning is a little rusty, but the ending is really powerful. I really like that you incorporated that no one could have the same path as you, so everyone experiences things differently. Overall, I think it's really interesting and fun to read. I just think that the first stanza doesn't mesh with the others yet. Great job!

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