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Thread: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

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    Newbie kamikazekrn may be famous one day kamikazekrn may be famous one day kamikazekrn's Avatar
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    Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    If Only If Only

    Looks like I’m completely fine on the outside
    It’s too bad I can’t say the same for the inside
    Complete chaos, terrible dreams
    Feels like I’m gonna tear at the seams
    Sick and tired of all this bad stuff
    Its getting harder and harder to stay tough
    Things aren’t really going my way anymore
    I wish things were just as they were before
    So many opportunities I had
    Not taking them makes me sad
    Sitting still in my lonely bed
    Trying to get it out of my head
    Setting aside all my sorrow
    Trying to think about tomorrow
    Feels so much like I’m outta place
    In this dark and dreary empty space
    My heart feels like its slowly sinking
    My mind is on the edge of breaking
    So many tries for me to do things right
    But now you want me out of your sight
    And of my two loves
    Now one friend one foe
    Waiting here so lonely so lonely
    Thinking in my head if only if only


    My Only Dove

    Please forgive me for the things I’ve done
    After all, you are my shining sun
    It hurts to lose someone you love
    After all, you were my only dove
    So please forgive me so we can move on with our lives
    And I would be by your side ‘til the day you die
    Even if only a friend I’d want to be with you
    I pray to the heavens that this wish comes true


    Ruptured Bond

    We didn’t fix the friendship
    Before it was about to tear
    We failed to make a move
    And now its beyond repair

    The bond between us was ruptured
    And the pieces flung and scattered
    So far flung into space and time
    It’s impossible to piece it together

    It saddens me that we cant go back in time
    To fix the mistakes, yours and mine
    We had such a good relationship, way back then
    But we can never relive the past, ever again

    I guess request more and ill post more. Enjoy

    PS. Saving my best for the next poem contest xP

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    These were all really good poems, and my fav would have to be ruptured bond! I feel the emotion pouring from the poem! Keep up the good work and see ya around AO!

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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    Hmm. You have that something to make rhyme poems sound pretty good. But, I'd like to see some none rhyming poems from you.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Commander Ham Chiefblackhammer is making a name for themselves Chiefblackhammer is making a name for themselves Chiefblackhammer is making a name for themselves Chiefblackhammer's Avatar
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    Re: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    I will concur with Kasai, your lyrical poems are well written and have a good flow (meaning the meter works well)...I would however like to see some other styles such are narrative or dramatic...either way kudos to you for some great work and thanks for sharing it


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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    I liked your poems, but try a free verse poem, and see how you do with that one! I'm sure that the people here on AO will critique and help you along!(just a suggestion)

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    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    The poems were kool, but they looked disoraganized due to the lack of stanzas. I would suggest you to use stanzas rather than paragraphs because sometimes is kinda hard to read. Overall, your poems were kool.

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    Newbie kamikazekrn may be famous one day kamikazekrn may be famous one day kamikazekrn's Avatar
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    Re: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    My style was kind of derived from trance lyrics, where there is no limit to syllables or anything else, but uses the music to make it flow. I used, i guess emotion to make mine flow.

    shrugg, i may have lost that thing that makes my words flow like they used to, depressing but i dont have much to write about anymore.

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    Re: Posting some excellent poems from my high school years

    if you don't mind me saying, don't you think they're a bit too wordy? yeah i do understand the point in making a line contain one single idea.. however they seem more of a prose sentence than a poem line (if you disregard the rhyming words)... i dunno maybe as a reader i prefer to read ones that are short in words.. it's amazing how one can express himself in just a few simple words... i'm not saying your poems are not good... they are good^^ however try shortening the lines a bit... just a suggestion, if you don't really mind...

    They say you can't use oversized signatures here on AO.

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