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Reply With QuoteThese were all really good poems, and my fav would have to be ruptured bond! I feel the emotion pouring from the poem! Keep up the good work and see ya around AO!
If Only If Only
Looks like I’m completely fine on the outside
It’s too bad I can’t say the same for the inside
Complete chaos, terrible dreams
Feels like I’m gonna tear at the seams
Sick and tired of all this bad stuff
Its getting harder and harder to stay tough
Things aren’t really going my way anymore
I wish things were just as they were before
So many opportunities I had
Not taking them makes me sad
Sitting still in my lonely bed
Trying to get it out of my head
Setting aside all my sorrow
Trying to think about tomorrow
Feels so much like I’m outta place
In this dark and dreary empty space
My heart feels like its slowly sinking
My mind is on the edge of breaking
So many tries for me to do things right
But now you want me out of your sight
And of my two loves
Now one friend one foe
Waiting here so lonely so lonely
Thinking in my head if only if only
My Only Dove
Please forgive me for the things I’ve done
After all, you are my shining sun
It hurts to lose someone you love
After all, you were my only dove
So please forgive me so we can move on with our lives
And I would be by your side ‘til the day you die
Even if only a friend I’d want to be with you
I pray to the heavens that this wish comes true
Ruptured Bond
We didn’t fix the friendship
Before it was about to tear
We failed to make a move
And now its beyond repair
The bond between us was ruptured
And the pieces flung and scattered
So far flung into space and time
It’s impossible to piece it together
It saddens me that we cant go back in time
To fix the mistakes, yours and mine
We had such a good relationship, way back then
But we can never relive the past, ever again
I guess request more and ill post more. Enjoy
PS. Saving my best for the next poem contest xP
These were all really good poems, and my fav would have to be ruptured bond! I feel the emotion pouring from the poem! Keep up the good work and see ya around AO!
Hmm. You have that something to make rhyme poems sound pretty good. But, I'd like to see some none rhyming poems from you.
Seduced by Flesh
I will concur with Kasai, your lyrical poems are well written and have a good flow (meaning the meter works well)...I would however like to see some other styles such are narrative or dramatic...either way kudos to you for some great work and thanks for sharing it
I liked your poems, but try a free verse poem, and see how you do with that one! I'm sure that the people here on AO will critique and help you along!(just a suggestion)
The poems were kool, but they looked disoraganized due to the lack of stanzas. I would suggest you to use stanzas rather than paragraphs because sometimes is kinda hard to read. Overall, your poems were kool.
My style was kind of derived from trance lyrics, where there is no limit to syllables or anything else, but uses the music to make it flow. I used, i guess emotion to make mine flow.
shrugg, i may have lost that thing that makes my words flow like they used to, depressing but i dont have much to write about anymore.
if you don't mind me saying, don't you think they're a bit too wordy? yeah i do understand the point in making a line contain one single idea.. however they seem more of a prose sentence than a poem line (if you disregard the rhyming words)... i dunno maybe as a reader i prefer to read ones that are short in words.. it's amazing how one can express himself in just a few simple words... i'm not saying your poems are not good... they are good^^ however try shortening the lines a bit... just a suggestion, if you don't really mind...
They say you can't use oversized signatures here on AO.
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