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Thread: Prayer

  1. #1
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Post Prayer

    Lord I believe in you (believe in you)
    Waiting for us in heaven (in heave)
    You can hear us (hear us)
    Watching over us 24/7 (24/7)

    Your right about humanity
    Thou shall not kill
    Other's think this is insanity
    But I follow your will

    I am a catholic
    I wish to pray
    Only to you lord
    Each and every day

    In name of the father
    The son
    and the holy ghost
    Amen.

    Do I need more work on this? or is this good?

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    Otaku Just Pitching Champion, Mile High Club Champion, Penguin Dive Champion, Gold Strike Champion Darkened_Star may be famous one day Darkened_Star may be famous one day Darkened_Star's Avatar
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    Re: Prayer

    It's good. Though it's like a prayer the end just sort of ended. It started out good and flowed together, but then it just ended. I wanted to keep reading ^_^ But it was still good. Can't wait to read more.

    Come dance in the rain with me, no one is watching.

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Prayer

    Well...this time I'm kind of confused... I don't really understand what you mean with the second stranza...
    In other ways it's good, I like the theme, you've written it nicely too... It wasnice to read it...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  4. #4
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: Prayer

    The second stanza means, moses made the laws of thou shall not kill, and I follow the lord's will lol. and thanks Lasura for trying to figure out this poem, as I am still working on it.

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    Newbie evil_neko_youkai may be famous one day evil_neko_youkai may be famous one day
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    Re: Prayer

    i like it. i especially noticed how u made the first stanza echo. everything went together perfectly, in my opinion

  6. #6
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Prayer

    Quote Originally Posted by hellknight View Post
    The second stanza means, moses made the laws of thou shall not kill, and I follow the lord's will lol. and thanks Lasura for trying to figure out this poem, as I am still working on it.
    Oh... I got it now when you say now... Duh *hits herself in the head* I'd get it the first time if there were inverted comas... And you're welcome!!! It's really nothing!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  7. #7
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: Prayer

    @ENY: lol thanks mei, I appreciate it, and I like the beginning too

    @Lasura: it's all right, I had a hard time figuring out the second stanza, but I remember some movies that knew the lords will, so I put that on there, and it is kind a backwards isn't it?

  8. #8
    Newbie Angelic_gurl_1027 may be famous one day Angelic_gurl_1027 may be famous one day Angelic_gurl_1027's Avatar
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    Re: Prayer

    I don't believe you need to work on this, my friend .. that was a wonderful poem ... ^^
    I'm in love with the BEST guy ever! I love YOU baby!!

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