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Thread: A Promise made

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    A Promise made

    Forever and always
    was the promise we made

    Together we walked
    side by side
    Always providing a shoulder to lean on

    When things got ruff
    You had my back and I had yours

    Face to face was our last stand,
    me blocking your way was all you saw,
    so you pushed me away and left me behind.
    Never seeing the snare I stood before,
    the one you still ignore.

    But forever and always is the promise I made
    so here I will wait,
    hoping that someday you will remember our promise
    and let go of your hate

    Forever and always is the promise I made
    words that shall never fade.


    Friendship consists of three responsibility's, the first is to stand beside them for life and provide a shoulder to cry on and an ear that listens. The second is to watch one anthers back when the goings get ruff. The third is to stand before the other when they are about to make a mistake and hope that they forgive you.
    As always any constructive criticism is welcome.
    Last edited by kingmustang; May 08, 2010 at 01:03 PM.
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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    Otaku Dragons2801 is off to a good start Dragons2801's Avatar
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    Re: A Promise made

    i love it, i believe in this poem you talked about your brother, but also you tell this so deaply i can tell it is about one of your dear friends that you want back. it is happy, yet full of sorro.

    within the darkened realm of the mind, is endless shadows, wrenching pain, warming love, and burning desires.

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    kingmustang (May 06, 2010)

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Re: A Promise made

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragons2801 View Post
    i love it, i believe in this poem you talked about your brother, but also you tell this so deaply i can tell it is about one of your dear friends that you want back. it is happy, yet full of sorro.
    Ya you are right. I think friendship is as much responsibility as family Very little of what I write can be related to me personally but this can.
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Re: A Promise made

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragons2801 View Post
    i love it, i believe in this poem you talked about your brother, but also you tell this so deaply i can tell it is about one of your dear friends that you want back. it is happy, yet full of sorro.
    Ya you are right. I think friendship is as much responsibility as family Very little of what I write can be related to me personally but this can.

    Edit:Sorry my computer decided to post this two times. I have no idea why lol
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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    Otaku Dragons2801 is off to a good start Dragons2801's Avatar
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    Re: A Promise made

    your have matured into a great poet..............................

    within the darkened realm of the mind, is endless shadows, wrenching pain, warming love, and burning desires.

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    kingmustang (May 06, 2010)

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    Angsty Goth Teenager SamuraiDude128 may be famous one day SamuraiDude128 may be famous one day SamuraiDude128's Avatar
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    Re: A Promise made

    I can't see how this would be at all about a family member, there's no hint dropped, my guess would've been just a best friend.
    Some lines are kind of awkward like:
    "Forever and Always" (Be more specific)
    "Back to back we stood,
    when things got ruff
    You had my back and I had yours " (The first line detracts from the other two)
    "me blocking your way was all you saw," (Too cryptic)
    "Never seeing the snare I stood before," (snare?)
    Those are my criticisms, mind you I'm very critical of poetry.

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    kingmustang (May 07, 2010)

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Re: A Promise made

    Quote Originally Posted by SamuraiDude128 View Post
    I can't see how this would be at all about a family member, there's no hint dropped, my guess would've been just a best friend.
    Some lines are kind of awkward like:
    "Forever and Always" (Be more specific)
    "Back to back we stood,
    when things got ruff
    You had my back and I had yours " (The first line detracts from the other two)
    "me blocking your way was all you saw," (Too cryptic)
    "Never seeing the snare I stood before," (snare?)
    Those are my criticisms, mind you I'm very critical of poetry.
    I agree with you about the line ' "Back to back we stood ' I am taking it out As for being more specific about the line "Forever and Always" I do not know how I could. This poem is talking about standing with a friend no matter what so, forever and always, is just a simple way of saying I will be their no matter what, but that would not sound very good lol As far as the lines, "me blocking your way was all you saw," and "Never seeing the snare I stood before, well you are looking at thees to literally. First think about the meaning of the word snare, it is a trap that is usually well hidden and that comes upon you suddenly so by the time you see it it is too late, much like what happens to people in life, we very rarely know we are walking into trouble until we are already 10 feet deep in it, If you know that some one is about to walk into such a trap what do you do? you step in front of them to keep them from walking blindly into it right? But sometimes they do not understand why and so they brush you aside. What dragons was referring to about my brother has to do with a conversation we had in
    Anyway thanks for the suggestions
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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    Otaku mezzo1991 is off to a good start mezzo1991's Avatar
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    Re: A Promise made

    It was a very nice poem,It had strong feelings in it which always makes it a stronger poem itself.
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