Thread: A Promise made

i love it, i believe in this poem you talked about your brother, but also you tell this so deaply i can tell it is about one of your dear friends that you want back. it is happy, yet full of sorro.

Originally Posted by Dragons2801

i love it, i believe in this poem you talked about your brother, but also you tell this so deaply i can tell it is about one of your dear friends that you want back. it is happy, yet full of sorro.

Ya you are right. I think friendship is as much responsibility as family Very little of what I write can be related to me personally but this can.

Originally Posted by Dragons2801

i love it, i believe in this poem you talked about your brother, but also you tell this so deaply i can tell it is about one of your dear friends that you want back. it is happy, yet full of sorro.

Ya you are right. I think friendship is as much responsibility as family Very little of what I write can be related to me personally but this can.

Edit:Sorry my computer decided to post this two times. I have no idea why lol

your have matured into a great poet..............................

I can't see how this would be at all about a family member, there's no hint dropped, my guess would've been just a best friend.
Some lines are kind of awkward like:
"Forever and Always" (Be more specific)
"Back to back we stood,
when things got ruff
You had my back and I had yours " (The first line detracts from the other two)
"me blocking your way was all you saw," (Too cryptic)
"Never seeing the snare I stood before," (snare?)
Those are my criticisms, mind you I'm very critical of poetry.

Originally Posted by SamuraiDude128

I can't see how this would be at all about a family member, there's no hint dropped, my guess would've been just a best friend.
Some lines are kind of awkward like:
"Forever and Always" (Be more specific)
"Back to back we stood,
when things got ruff
You had my back and I had yours " (The first line detracts from the other two)
"me blocking your way was all you saw," (Too cryptic)
"Never seeing the snare I stood before," (snare?)
Those are my criticisms, mind you I'm very critical of poetry.

I agree with you about the line ' "Back to back we stood ' I am taking it out As for being more specific about the line "Forever and Always" I do not know how I could. This poem is talking about standing with a friend no matter what so, forever and always, is just a simple way of saying I will be their no matter what, but that would not sound very good lol As far as the lines, "me blocking your way was all you saw," and "Never seeing the snare I stood before, well you are looking at thees to literally. First think about the meaning of the word snare, it is a trap that is usually well hidden and that comes upon you suddenly so by the time you see it it is too late, much like what happens to people in life, we very rarely know we are walking into trouble until we are already 10 feet deep in it, If you know that some one is about to walk into such a trap what do you do? you step in front of them to keep them from walking blindly into it right? But sometimes they do not understand why and so they brush you aside. What dragons was referring to about my brother has to do with a conversation we had in
Anyway thanks for the suggestions

It was a very nice poem,It had strong feelings in it which always makes it a stronger poem itself.