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Thread: Questions for love.

  1. #1
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Red face Questions for love.

    Im not sure If you could.
    but, would you mind?

    If I float in my desires.
    If I swam inside a secret.
    If I bathed inside your truth.
    And still could not believe it.

    Because it was too good.
    Could I be?

    Created just to please.
    Defined only by you.
    Bold and admired,
    Like art that you do.

    Afterall that I've withstood.
    Can I have.

    A dream, that Im tangled in you.
    And a wish to never wake.
    A night full of your touches.
    But my heart you can take.

    Yet I wonder if I should...
    Would you mind?

    If I let you kiss me slowly?
    If I let you taste me too?
    If I touched myself slowly,
    And I only thought of you?

    If you misunderstood...
    Can I tell?

    Tell you that this is just my thoughts.
    Although I know who you are.
    If you and I will ever be...
    More than loving from afar?
    ... Not Ever Again...

  2. #2
    Otaku xxoxx is off to a good start xxoxx's Avatar
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    Re: Questions for love.

    That was awesome Peach ..Nice job you put up there ..
    The rhythm was really great in this poem ,And in many ways this poem move some of our desires ..keep it up..
    Last edited by gren; Nov 21, 2007 at 04:35 PM. Reason: removed quoted poem

    Foolish beating

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    Otaku Lotski is off to a good start
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    Re: Questions for love.

    waw, i agree! i really like it too.. been so long since i appreciated a poem.
    made me fall in love more.. 10 out of 10 man!
    keep writing more poems please..

    If you don't like me, it's mind over matter.
    I don't mind and you don't matter

  4. #4
    Otaku Tetris Champion, Ms Pacman Champion, Trivial Blitz Champion Mechazawa is off to a good start Mechazawa's Avatar
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    Re: Questions for love.

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    Yet I wonder if I should...
    Would you mind?

    If I let you kiss me slowly?
    If I let you taste me too?
    If I touched myself slowly,
    And I only thought of you?
    Ooooo, this is Mech's favorite part. Especially the last two lines quoted (Was there any dought it wouldn't be?). If only a cute girl would say those very words, in complete earnest to me. That would make me feel like I could conquer kings, topple giants, and touch the sun. I guess that's what makes me a little weird though.

    I couldn't get away with that in the things I write, without it coming off as creepy anyway.

    I enjoyed all your thoughts/questions for love, its sad at the end. That all those feelings aren't conveyed directly to the person provoking those thoughts in you to begin with. It makes me think about all the what if's I have in life, when it comes to love. Thinking about those too much will suck the life right out of you.
    The flow of the words is also something I liked, it has a bouncy feel to it. That could be the way I've decided to read it though.


    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    Afterall that I've withstood.
    Can I have.
    All of the two line sections of your poem are questions, except this one. I'm not sure if its meant to be that way, or you gave it a period instead of a question mark by accident. If it isn't meant to be a question, I say change it so it is. It'll stick closer to the theme and have some repetition of asking questions.

    There are some grammar and one structure errors I saw, your "Im"(s) are missing apostrophizes . Not sure if that's meant to be that way, if it is I apologize. In the first line "If" is capitalized, again not sure if its that way for effect. In the second line "but" isn't capitalized, the structure of your poem has every line starting with a capitalized letter except that one. Also "Afterall" is missing a space, its two words.

    This was a really great poem, if those errors I listed are errors in the first place. Once corrected, it will only add a more lustrous shine to this gem. I've seen a glimmer that I favored in those lines I quoted from your poem at the top of my post. I'd like to read something from Peach that is "suggestively devilish"?^^
    I BELONG TO AN ANGEL NOW!

  5. #5
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Questions for love.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mechazawa View Post


    All of the two line sections of your poem are questions, except this one. I'm not sure if its meant to be that way, or you gave it a period instead of a question mark by accident. If it isn't meant to be a question, I say change it so it is. It'll stick closer to the theme and have some repetition of asking questions.

    There are some grammar and one structure errors I saw, your "Im"(s) are missing apostrophizes . Not sure if that's meant to be that way, if it is I apologize. In the first line "If" is capitalized, again not sure if its that way for effect. In the second line "but" isn't capitalized, the structure of your poem has every line starting with a capitalized letter except that one. Also "Afterall" is missing a space, its two words.
    Oh thank you so much Mechazawa! Im happy you took the time to point out the errors. I always write in such a rush. It's so helpful when someone out there actually pays enough attention to the details. Now, If only I were as attentive to my own writing... I'd improve... But I'm so damn lazy.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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