The Quiet One

whitefoxdemon · May 26, 2006, 07:21 AM

The Quiet One
Always running from the thing I need
Always fighting all attempts for friendship
Struggling to break free of this hold
Struggling to regain my senses
Knowing it's what I want
Knowing it's my last chance
Why can't I speak?
Why can't I stop you from walking away?
Don't leave me alone again
Don't snuff out the light leading me from darkness
Always alone, forever afraid
Always watching, neve a part of it
Doesn't anyone notice?
Doesn't anyone care?
No one will weep as the light dies
Imprisoning me in eternal darkness

*Blade X* · May 26, 2006, 08:40 AM

the one who nvrs speaks to people.....keeps to themselves......watch the world with careful eyes.....but when they see something u want they cannot move......their speech is gone......it is a fate worst then death itself. this is a good short poem. hope u continue writing them.

*ketaro* · May 26, 2006, 11:54 AM

this poem is pretty kool the pattern used is kinda kool, nice job keep it up.

pigtaru · May 26, 2006, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whitefoxdemon

The Quiet One
Always running from the thing I need
Always fighting all attempts for friendship
Struggling to break free of this hold
Struggling to regain my senses
Knowing it's what I want
Knowing it's my last chance
Why can't I speak?
Why can't I stop you from walking away?
Don't leave me alone again
Don't snuff out the light leading me from darkness
Always alone, forever afraid
Always watching, neve a part of it
Doesn't anyone notice?
Doesn't anyone care?
No one will weep as the light dies
Imprisoning me in eternal darkness

My two favorite lines. I think that loneliness is best touched on when we bring up entrapment and show the reader that we are in a dark place...but I think it gets overused...good work though.

Clow Sakura · May 26, 2006, 03:01 PM

It's so good! I liked he words you used. My fav. line is
'Always alone forever afraid''
Until the one where it goes 'Doesn't anyone care?'
Good Job!

Eureka-Seven16 · May 26, 2006, 03:11 PM

I like you poem. Its cool. It some how reminds me of...me

May 26, 2006, 07:21 AM	#1 (permalink)
whitefoxdemon Newbie Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: in a dark, lonely place Posts: 94 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 322	The Quiet One The Quiet One Always running from the thing I need Always fighting all attempts for friendship Struggling to break free of this hold Struggling to regain my senses Knowing it's what I want Knowing it's my last chance Why can't I speak? Why can't I stop you from walking away? Don't leave me alone again Don't snuff out the light leading me from darkness Always alone, forever afraid Always watching, neve a part of it Doesn't anyone notice? Doesn't anyone care? No one will weep as the light dies Imprisoning me in eternal darkness
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May 26, 2006, 08:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
Blade X AO's Demon Slayer Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Protecting my loved one. Posts: 1,606 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,446	Re: The Quiet One the one who nvrs speaks to people.....keeps to themselves......watch the world with careful eyes.....but when they see something u want they cannot move......their speech is gone......it is a fate worst then death itself. this is a good short poem. hope u continue writing them. __________________ Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra
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May 26, 2006, 11:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
ketaro kitty Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 4,221 Thanks: 27 Thanked 31 Times in 29 Posts Credits: 23,200	Re: The Quiet One this poem is pretty kool the pattern used is kinda kool, nice job keep it up.
Status: Offline

May 26, 2006, 03:01 PM	#5 (permalink)
Clow Sakura Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 152 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 170	Re: The Quiet One It's so good! I liked he words you used. My fav. line is 'Always alone forever afraid'' Until the one where it goes 'Doesn't anyone care?' Good Job! __________________ Smileys + Me =
Status: Offline

May 26, 2006, 03:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
Eureka-Seven16 Newbie Join Date: May 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 20 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 110	Re: The Quiet One I like you poem. Its cool. It some how reminds me of...me __________________
Status: Offline

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