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Thread: The Quiet One

  1. #1
    Newbie whitefoxdemon may be famous one day whitefoxdemon may be famous one day whitefoxdemon's Avatar
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    The Quiet One


    The Quiet One
    Always running from the thing I need
    Always fighting all attempts for friendship
    Struggling to break free of this hold
    Struggling to regain my senses
    Knowing it's what I want
    Knowing it's my last chance
    Why can't I speak?
    Why can't I stop you from walking away?
    Don't leave me alone again
    Don't snuff out the light leading me from darkness
    Always alone, forever afraid
    Always watching, neve a part of it
    Doesn't anyone notice?
    Doesn't anyone care?
    No one will weep as the light dies
    Imprisoning me in eternal darkness

  2. #2
    AO's Demon Slayer Hexxagon Champion, Match Stick Soccer Champion Blade X may be famous one day Blade X may be famous one day Blade X's Avatar
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    Re: The Quiet One

    the one who nvrs speaks to people.....keeps to themselves......watch the world with careful eyes.....but when they see something u want they cannot move......their speech is gone......it is a fate worst then death itself. this is a good short poem. hope u continue writing them.

    Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra

  3. #3
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: The Quiet One

    this poem is pretty kool the pattern used is kinda kool, nice job keep it up.

  4. #4
    Otaku pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru's Avatar
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    Re: The Quiet One

    Quote Originally Posted by whitefoxdemon

    The Quiet One
    Always running from the thing I need
    Always fighting all attempts for friendship
    Struggling to break free of this hold
    Struggling to regain my senses
    Knowing it's what I want
    Knowing it's my last chance
    Why can't I speak?
    Why can't I stop you from walking away?
    Don't leave me alone again
    Don't snuff out the light leading me from darkness
    Always alone, forever afraid
    Always watching, neve a part of it
    Doesn't anyone notice?
    Doesn't anyone care?
    No one will weep as the light dies
    Imprisoning me in eternal darkness
    My two favorite lines. I think that loneliness is best touched on when we bring up entrapment and show the reader that we are in a dark place...but I think it gets overused...good work though.

    o~Piggy-san~o

  5. #5
    Otaku Clow Sakura may be famous one day Clow Sakura may be famous one day Clow Sakura's Avatar
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    Re: The Quiet One

    It's so good! I liked he words you used. My fav. line is
    'Always alone forever afraid''
    Until the one where it goes 'Doesn't anyone care?'
    Good Job!
    Smileys + Me =

  6. #6
    Newbie Eureka-Seven16 may be famous one day
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    Re: The Quiet One

    I like you poem. Its cool. It some how reminds me of...me

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