rikus demonic lover

The rain hitting my window.
Just sitting there wirting this poem.
Just thinking of you and how great it's gonna be.
You love me and I love you.
It's our life lets live it the way we want to.
I want you to get down on one knee and ask me to marry you.
Go on have fun and jump the gun.
Come during winter and we'll hangout outside and sit on the frass just staring at the sky watching time go by and watching light turn into dark and wish on every star that we see.
The cold chilly breezr doesn't it feel great running through your skin?
Can you feel the happiness in the air?
Can you see me smiling at you in the dark?
Let's go tothe movies and watch something scary and laugh 'cause I got scaried at the dumbest thing.
The I'll get mad at you and you try to apoligize to me over and over.
The rain hitting my window-I'm just sitting here writting this poem.
Come here ad let me hold you in my arms and lets fall out of the sky just like Riku and Sora just hold on....
Just hold your hand in mine and we'll glide away to happiness togther.
The rain tapping my window
I look up and it's my favorite oerson in the whole entire universe-You.
Cloudy morning-It looks so depressing.
I'm praying for it to be another cold and rainy day so I can write another poem about the rain hitting my window.
As time foes by there isn't a second that I think of you.
There is never enough time in a chilly November to tell you how much I love you.
There is never enough words to put in one simple poem.
The clouds are gone and the sun is coming out.
The school day is starting the bell rings.
It's raining but the sun is shinning.
It means that the worl is unbalanced.
The rain hitting my window watching the world fall a part- Oh what a beautiful sight it is.
It's raining, it's pouring each sacrade flower being reborn into something new.
We live seprate lives and the world is cruel by seperating us.
They think just becuase they can serperate true love and putting a bunch of miles infront of us will stop us from loving each other?
I wanna hear a poem come out of your mouth.
I want it to be the greatest thing that has ever come out of your mouth- besides the words "I love you"
I want to be able to hold you hand.
I wanna hear your voice again.
I can never sleep until I hear your voice.
I wanna make my friends jealous and say that I made out in the rain with my special someone.
I wanna hear these words come out of your mouth.
I wanna be able to tell you everything about me and not everyone else.
I want you to be my famous phatom theif.
I want you to control this demon that dwells within me and no other person.
I want to love you and no one else.
I don't care what they say and I don't want to know what they say unless it's to tell me that their happy froe me.
The clouds start rolling in and the sun begins to fade.
Time is running short.
My pern is running out of ink and my pencil has run outof lead.
Everyone who used to love me is now dead.
And they all hate me.
The clouds are rolling in and I'm sitting here on the school desk waiting for the hour to pass.
Just waiting for it to start rainning.
I sit here in ths chool chair hoping that you will walk through that door and say that your taking me home.
The clouds disappear-the sun is shinning.
A small breeze starts to pick up.
The trees swaying from left to right.
Our school task-my not important thing to do right now being pasted out.
If only there is away that I could-that anyone could whisper into the wind and let it carry the message to the person you want to tell.
That would be the coolest thing.
The hour is almost done only a few more mintues till the class ends we did our work and we did connect the dats. It was fun but it isn't gonna be as fun as when your here and your holding me in your arms and you tell me that you love me and we sit under the stars and you hold my hand and kiss me on my cheek.
But I guess all I can say is that.....

I Love You..........

__________________
send me into forever lasting darkness
allow my heart to be taken away and ripped into shreads by those who called a lover

Peach_follows

Sometime's... Jumping the gun.... Isn't fun.

This was LONG. Very long. It seemed to lack structure. Also the was a point in the poem where you used the words (I want) over and over. Repeating things like that only works when you've incorporated it into the rythm of a poem. Like a phrase you repeat at the end of a break or something like that. But this had no rythm... so the repeating got to be a tad over the top.

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rikus demonic lover

Ok yeah I know the poem is really long. But the perpuse of the I want long point was that when people do need things most of them won't say I want. They'll say I need you or something. But between my life and my love it's not that we need each other it's that we want each other and yet we can't have each other because my family doesn't like him and because we live so far away from each other. Yes this poem is Very Long but that's how al my poems are. There is no rythm yeah I know because this poem isn't suppose to have it. This poem was ment to be sad and very very VERY depressing. The frase "jump the gun" is from a memory of my a friend who passed away in a drive by and he would live life to it's fullest. This poem is all on memory and what I rember what all my friends said to me. They all left and passed away about 2 years ago now so this poem is all I have left them. If you don't like the poem well then thats fine by me.
~In Loving Memory of The Class of Mental Heads The Band Octber 13 2005~

__________________
send me into forever lasting darkness
allow my heart to be taken away and ripped into shreads by those who called a lover

Peach_follows

I understand that to you, this poem may be filled with sentiment and profound meaning. Im not trying to down play that at all. Im only trying to be constructive. So perhaps you should't get defensive.
Im simply saying that first of all. You sould give a poem a once over before you post it. (It seems there were alot of type-os and such)

And secondly. If you want to portray to your READERS all the feeling and emotion, and sentiment behind your words. You should consider putting them in some sort of structure... wheather it has rythm or not.

I didn't say I didn't like it. But its hard for me to even stay focused on a piece that seemed to have no structure. Sorry.

If it doesn't appear that YOU care about the words you've written, it will be hard for others to care.

Sorry for your losses. I meant no dissrespect.

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Who needs a spray can, when you're a femmebot?
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rikus demonic lover

You definently have a point there. There are many spelling errors reason being I rushed this poem I was in class typing it with only 30 seconds left to spare before school got out and I just wanted to be out there in the open. I'm sorry I got so deffensive no ever really has said anything bad about my work before so I guess this is the first time that I am getting told what's wrong with. And for that I thank you. Maybe you would like to read my other poems and tell me what you think of them as well? If not that is all right. But thank you I will take your advice and remember it.

__________________
send me into forever lasting darkness
allow my heart to be taken away and ripped into shreads by those who called a lover

Peach_follows

I hope you don't think Im saying something "bad" about your work. I thought the poem had several strengths. I just thought it needed a bit more attention.

__________________

Who needs a spray can, when you're a femmebot?
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rikus demonic lover

lol well if you knew me like my friends from school you would know they day they taught poetry lessons at our school. I wasn't really paying attention because I was texting to much lol.*scratches head* well anyways thanks again you know it helped me trust me.

__________________
send me into forever lasting darkness
allow my heart to be taken away and ripped into shreads by those who called a lover