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Thread: Rains

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    Otaku chrystalann2004 is off to a good start chrystalann2004's Avatar
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    Rains

    Rains


    Raging waters beating each orther,
    eating away at the earth around them
    With the sky so dark that it bleeds with hate
    and the rain hit your skin with ice that is
    so sharp it makes you bleed.

    Thinking why does this happen?
    Does anyone see the changes happening,
    or are they blind too them?

    As the weather changes around them,
    some say it's going change care to life with out a care.
    As for life many may take it for granted and pass things up.

    We may not know how long life is ,
    but if we took the time to enjoy life,
    and not pass up so many things that
    may come our way.
    Just to enjoy the time we have
    here on earth.


    By: Deanna Aguilera
    .

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Rains

    It started out great but became very flat. The sentences became less poetic and seemed cut for no reason. I don't think you benefited from the pauses that were put in.

  3. #3
    Otaku chrystalann2004 is off to a good start chrystalann2004's Avatar
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    Re: Rains

    thank you for your insight . i will make the next stonger before i post it

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