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(Is like a kid learning life and getting out to the world)
Im a lone sunflower
on a lone high tower
absorving all the light
from the sun and all life
learning from the shallow glow
that appears when the sun fall's
I've seen the shine
that the far stars alight
even if there so small
they just give it all they got
to make a bright night
to the earth when the sun
is out of sight
maybe is time for me
to get out of shelter
and follow thee
and the knowlege i had
earned and seen.
Nice poem, with a rather attractive title, but I think the "starts" is meant to be "stars". I am not sure, but it seems to make more sense that way...? Also, there are some grammatical errors here and there. Perhaps if you spent more time fixing this poem up, it'll turn out even better. I see a lot of potential with this composition, because it has a very meaningful and moving message, with a captivating title that stayed true to the theme and completion of poem. I think this poem can still be improved. And you need not include that explanation within the parenthesis - let the poem speak for itself.
Here are some of the gramatical errors I think you can change:
absorving all the light
absorving --> absorbing
that appears when the sun fall's
There is no need for the apostrophe.
that the far starts alight
Again, I think you mean here "stars" not "starts"
even if there so small
there --> they're
they just give it all they got
they --> they've
maybe is time for me
is --> it's
Also, I think some of the lines can do with some more improvement to make it more understandable in its meaning with the reader, like say some rearrangement, or change of wordings, even, to feed it some depth. Anyways, all in all, it was a good poem that just needs some fixing. Best of luck, and keep practice by writing and reading more.
Nice poem Baal, i like the rhymes that you used in each stanza.
I like the poem! Though you do have some mistakes, I still do like it. ^_^
glad u like it even if i made a lot of mistakes.:help:
Other than a few grammatical mistake as said in other comments the poem was good, you broke away from the traditional end rhyme. Good job!