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Thread: Realize

  1. #1
    Newbie Jairo may be famous one day Jairo may be famous one day Jairo's Avatar
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    Every time you turn on the TV;
    What u see? Tell me please.
    Every time you hear an ambulance,
    There is always someone in the entrance to death.

    Well that the world you see,
    Every day without really seen.

    Now let me tell you how the real world is...

    There are children that have to work in order to it,
    there are homeless people that because of one mistake end up in the street.
    There are single mothers that not receive any help,
    We don't see this because we have a veal.

    Now tell me... how the real world is?

    We know about the tween towers that went down,
    But we do not know anything of the families of those who died.
    We know about the death of Michael Jackson,
    but you know about those little children that are suffering because of the government actions...

    Just take a moment and meditate,
    What this world is all about...
    Is not about money,
    Is not about fame,
    But is about helping one another,
    So that this world may progress..

    And in the end you will realize,
    the little tings that are happening today...

    Please comment... i haven't post anything since 2 months ago, so please comment...
    Do not dwell in the past... do not wonder about the future... just life the present to the fullness...

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Realize

    Dont worry.... super peach to the rescue! I will comment on your poetry!

    Ok, so it lacked a sense of structure, very little rhythm. It just seemed like it was lacking something there.

    I noticed the lines: "Now let me tell you how the real world is." and "Now tell me how the real world is?" Those stand out. Those similar single sentences that stand alone.... they work as if they could be a foundation for some intentional structure scheme. Like if you could have sentences similar to those in between the last stanzas it would bring more strength to the piece... perhaps.

    But, all that aside... The message was thoughtful. Loud and clear, Appreciated too. It was beautiful in that it brought to light what we keep in darkness. Yet it is heartbreaking, all of life that we ignore and neglect.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Jairo (Oct 02, 2009)

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