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Thread: Relief In Sight For Vigilant Warriors

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Relief In Sight For Vigilant Warriors

    Is it true, after so long we no longer have to fight?
    American mothers everywhere in relief sigh.
    Soldiers and spirits of ancestors recede with the night.

    Weary warriors can start to heal under softer light,
    For one bold man has given our hope wings so it can fly.
    Is it true, after so long we no longer have to fight?

    The ground swallows the ones who have tried to do what is right.
    Not over yet, already so many have had to die.
    Soldiers and spirits of ancestors recede with the night.

    For many years it seemed there would be no end to the plight.
    Their voices should laugh more for all the times fate made them cry.
    Is it true, after so long we no longer have to fight?

    Such awhile they fight justly, protecting the weak with might.
    These tough times tested many but soon the time will go by.
    Soldiers and spirits of ancestors recede with the night.

    War zones fade behind the planes, the desert is out of sight.
    The fallen brothers that have been much mourned smile from the sky.
    Is it true, after so long we no longer have to fight?
    Soldiers and spirits of ancestors recede with the night.

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    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Relief In Sight For Vigilant Warriors

    A little bit too much repetitive.
    Soldiers and spirits of ancestors recede with the night.
    Is it true, after so long we no longer have to fight?
    It fits in the beginning and in the end, but everything in between must go.

    But besides that it isnt so bad. But i would dig deeper than those feelings. You
    have the basics, just dig deeper

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

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    Re: Relief In Sight For Vigilant Warriors

    Quote Originally Posted by Nympho View Post
    A little bit too much repetitive.



    It fits in the beginning and in the end, but everything in between must go.

    But besides that it isnt so bad. But i would dig deeper than those feelings. You
    have the basics, just dig deeper
    Well that is some good advice but this poem is meant to be a rondeau. All rondeau are repetitive. That is there nature. A rigid rythme scheme and two lines that must be repeated. Now you are right I find the style myself to be very cumbersum but it is what it is or else it would not be a rondeau.

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    Re: Relief In Sight For Vigilant Warriors

    I'm a fan of rondeau. I'm not much of a rondeau writer (mostly reading), but I try on occasion. Anywho, I really like your work. Especially this peice. It's very well written and I like the rhyme scheme. It's almost like it should've been written for an accoustic guitar peice.

    Mad props--Good work!


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