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Thread: Rewrite

  1. #1
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    Rewrite

    What was there does not belong
    Missing hymns of unfinished songs
    The pen moves not to guide the page
    Left unlocked, a broken cage
    And here I lie, a somber tone
    Realize now, life lives alone
    Duets turn solo, as time sets in stone
    Love outlasted, I've outgrown

    This poem was made by me and my friend,Michele.
    By most,the best poem I read in my opinion. It's dedicated to my friend Ellis. Who was hit by a truck,hopitalized,went into a coma, and died this morning.
    C+C are GREATLY needed.
    Last edited by Seirika; Sep 24, 2007 at 03:04 PM.

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

  2. #2
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: Rewrite

    damn... thats real good.. and damn sad... @.@ but as they say... sadness is beautiful...
    ^^ this is a very beautiful poem in my opinion... u guys should do more...

    *sighs* :/ rest in peace to that poor fella...

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Rewrite

    *gasps* oh my I won't go out on the street again! I'll stay at school, sleep at school, eat rats and so on.. That's really scary to understand it can happen just like that...

    It's a very nice poem... nice work... makes you think... quite nostalgic... quite sad... but not terribly depressive... that is something I'd like on my gravestone ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  4. #4
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    Re: Rewrite

    Thank you,both of you *and to my friend,Michele*
    I'll give you advice which was given to my class - Use extreme caution when you're skate boarding and doing other other activities on streets or if there's traffic.

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

  5. #5
    Otaku ING Cricket Champion, Chickenboy Chucky Champion, Dancer duck Champion, Jake,s Fire Power Champion, Bomber Bob Champion, Road Hogs Champion, Van Champion, Hacker Champion, Gorillaz Tiles Champion, Clicken Gold Champion, Galleon Champion, QBeez Champion ihauntforlust is off to a good start
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    Post Re: Rewrite

    ....that's a really sad poem But i like the way it's short and yet sweet at the same time

    @.@ T.T poor friend of your's x.x so sorry, TTT.TTT

    -zainab

  6. #6
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    Re: Rewrite

    Thank you T^T
    Somehow when people act stupid they intend to get injured. But I never expected for this thing to happen.

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

  7. #7
    Otaku sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl's Avatar
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    Re: Rewrite

    wow that is a really sad event to happen. i really hope you are feeling better, it must be great insperation to write though, it's really nice that you are dedicating it to your deceased friend.
    every rose has a thorn

  8. #8
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    Re: Rewrite

    It is,possibly the best thing to inspire me or anyone else that lost someone dear.
    Thank you too o0o

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

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