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Old May 04, 2006, 07:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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The scarecrow

I knew a forest back then when I was young
where the brook goes on and the birds sung
what caught my eye was the perplexing scarecrow
I knew one time I've seen him before
Oh! But I knew this couldn't be true
He laughed and danced and then he grew
He pulled out a pipe and played a song
Blew more into it and things went wrong
Purple smoke billowed from the intrument
I then saw the pipe and found out it was bent
I closed my eyes and took a stand
He went ahead and took my hand
Then he turned into a man
he stood in front of me looking very tall
but he had no face at all
he was gonna fall
my pupil got small
then I fell to bawl
he whispered in my ear
"you shouldn't lose to fear
there's things you need to hear
I'll always be right here"
Then suddenly a waterfall came into view
the aqua was crystal clear blue
I touched the surface gently
Like looking through a mirror
the faceless man then felt me
my voice got thinner
he grabbed my hand and gave me a card
the card contained one heart
it all became clear to thought
and then my eye he caught
his face came into focus
and stole my heart with a kiss
I felt lost to hate
It wasnt very late
I knew it was my fate
---------
well....anything improvements and comments? I dont mind taking on bad comments either. ^^
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Old May 11, 2006, 04:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: The scarecrow

Wow, absolute perfection....... it was a great poem, I dont think I would change a single thing about it ^_^

But just in case, maybe you would want to split em up into little paragraphy bits. It might break the swift rhythm of the poem a little bit, but sometimes, other people just cant be bothered reading poems all in one big paragraph like that ^_^

I loved many things about your poem, like the use of rhyme, and the fast paced events that happen, and the sudden sort of magic in the scene...... and the list goes on ^_^ It was literally magical, in a quite perplexing sort of way

Awesome poem, keep it up
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