Thread: Secret Love

The rhythm of the whole thing is choppy. You've got short parts and long parts with no discernable pattern between them. I suggest you read it out loud a couple of times You'll notice that there are problems with how the words flow. Instead of flowing like smooth pavement, this thing reads like driving over washboard gravel.

The reason for that is because it's supposed to make the person seem uncertained. It was planned out this way thanks for the tips though.

Well, the poem doesnt come off uncertain. In fact, there is no mood to the poem because of lack of flow. The choppy manner in which you feel is the flow? Well, it makes the poem sound stuck together like a puzzle. but the catch? You're using pieces from different puzzles to comeplete yours.

Ky-lyrra: If you wrote this poem to express how you feel, then just take the critiques with a grain of salt and remember it for the next poem you write. I honestly kind of see the choppyness, but then I kind of see you flow with this poem. I'm not trying to sound mean or be rude it's just how I view poems.

It's ok I wrote this while watching a anime and it's about that anime really not me.

Oh okay, well still you have great potential to become one of the greater writer on here! I joined the poem and fanfic clan to improve my writing skills. But as I've said before keep up the good work Ky-lyrra!

Thank you Fox *huggles* This was for Inuyasha and Kagome really. You know how he's alway denying that he loves Kagome?