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Thread: Selling The Cure

  1. #1
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Selling The Cure

    I'm saving my pennies,
    to buy what you're selling.
    I might trade my soul...
    ...If you give me some more.
    There's an evil disease,
    we're all dying.
    I'll give you my last...
    ...If you're selling the cure.

    We all have dreams.
    Or are they delusions?
    Watching celebrities on our T.V.

    They are all out there, doing something.
    So those who do nothing,
    have something to see.

    We sit watching,
    wishing, talking.
    We plan on fixing their mistake.

    Dying products
    of our environment...
    The cure's on the comercial break.

    I'm saving my pennies,
    to buy what they're selling.
    I might trade my soul...
    ...If they give me some more.
    There's an evil disease,
    we're all dying.
    I'll give them my last...
    ...If they're selling the cure.

    A harsh and grimey generation.
    A silent, evil..
    ..sickness spreads.

    In you and me.
    It runs our nation.
    And, won't stop 'till our world is dead.

    Conspiracists, they blame the Masons.
    The secrets in...
    ...society.

    Programing us...
    ...to sell ourselves.
    To buy what we would like to be.

    I'm saving my pennies,
    to buy what they're selling.
    I might trade my soul...
    ...If they give me some more.
    There's an evil disease,
    we're all dying.
    I'll give you my last...
    ...If you're selling the cure.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  2. #2
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Selling The Cure

    Amazing! This poem captures the trend of modern day life! People mimic what they see because the believe that the general population wants to see that! Truthfully speaking the harsh reality of it all is that it only last for a season because right behind it is the next trend, and we are selling our souls! The structure of you poem is very sound and the message is quiet clear! Also your poem has great fluidity, each word and line flow smoothly transitioning into the next! Punctuation in this poem also brings it to live completing your thoughts and giving the reader time to digest what he or she just read. I enjoyed reading this poem and it reminds me of one I heard called the revolution will not be televised! Excellent job Peach!
    Last edited by BlueFox1; Jan 14, 2008 at 07:27 PM.

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  4. #3
    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: Selling The Cure

    AHAHAH I love it that was a great idea. I'm in particular fond of the fact that you brought that from an aspect that people don't consider all that often (not love) ad you did a great job at capturingit's essence

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

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    Peach_follows (Jan 21, 2008)

  6. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Selling The Cure

    WoW!!! ^^ Really nice... When I came in the Poem section I thought: "Nothing sad about love, no depression stuff and deffinetely no philosophic stuff." But this is really nicely made!!! ^^ At first it seemed that this is just one of those simple, a bit funny poems about love (somehow) then, when you were interested enough in the poem to not just stop reading it it turned to being philosophic and to teaching something... Very nice indeed ^^

    And I agree with the ideas you stated here. Though some partsa seemed quite confusing to me at first

    However, I wouldn't repeat the first stranza in the middle of the poem- circle structure is enough to make the emphasis on the stranza (which is absolutely genial by the way) and I, for example, just skip the repeated stranzas as they seem only bothering to me and I just want to read it to the end quicker, in a song repeating is very nice, but, when you read it... I don't think the middle one was necessary Just my opinion.

    Anyways... Nice work again Peach ^^ Cheers!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Selling The Cure

    I found the flow a little rocky. But I'm tired as all get out. But I really liked the message you were putting forth. And the whole thing made me feel creepy

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Peach_follows (Jan 21, 2008)

  10. #6
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Selling The Cure

    Wow! 4 very different opinions in response to this. All of them appreciated.

    @BlueFox... Thank you sooo much! Im happy to have found another worth while AO friend in you ^^

    @Corvus... Yeah, Im trying to stear clear of love poems. I have no reason to write them.

    @Lasura... I really struggled with weather or not to repeat that stanza over and over. When I re-read it, it DOES seem like a bit much. But it made sense when I typed it.

    @Bratling... Always nice to hear from you. Sorry the poem made you feel creepy. Are you a big consumer? Hahahaha I ask questions that I know the answer to already. Silly me.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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