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Thread: Sex Upstairs

  1. #9
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    I Knew it~!! I KNEW IT~!! i knew u gonna comment this poem~! xD *pokes lizzie*

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
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  2. #10
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    this poem is pretty intresting and to think
    i never knew people were on the 2and floor
    complaining lol , anyway i like this poem it gives
    a new perspective on how one looks at love.
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  3. #11
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    @ gren: Thanks for the advice on the title. I'll admit though, I wasn't trying to make a creative fit for the poem. The title is strictly shock value. I just wanted something people would feel compelled to click on and read.

    As far as punctuation and spelling... could you point it out for me? Because whatever errors you cought were not overlooked on my end. I sincerely am ignorant to whats wrong, thusly I can't correct it without your help. I suppose I could check it in a word document, but thats no fun.

    Is it the tripple dots (...)? Thats a hard habit to break...
    ... Not Ever Again...

  4. #12
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    XDD very funny poem peach i really enjoyed reading it
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

  5. #13
    I'm sleepy... Jukebox Hero Champion, Word Up Champion, Word Craze Champion gren may be famous one day gren may be famous one day gren's Avatar
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    Their floor boards creaking.
    Bed-springs squeaking.

    To myself, I'm talking....
    "Is that their headboard knocking?"

    Overcome by their rhythmatic (not actually a word, "rhythmical" is the correct form. But I do like "rhythmatic" better, just noting for spelling) succession.
    I toss, I turn, I have indigestion.

    I hear some moans, so what do I do?
    Turn up the TV... to volume thirty two.

    But, my mission fails... in such disgrace.
    Instead of them stopping, they just pick up pace.

    This pillow over my head must be unappealing.
    But I'm protected from debris falling down from my ceiling.

    He's grunting. She's panting. I can't take anymore!
    TV volume goes up... thirty three, thirty four....

    They finally stop. But it was all quite a pain.
    forty five minutes of sleep down the drain.

    So a bit of advice, sorry if I seem tense.
    Don't have sex upstairs at your neighbor's expense



    The only things that really stood out were contractions (don't forget the apostrophe) and the few misspellings. It's poetry though, so if you choose not to punctuate at all or create entirely new words, that's totally up to you. But I noticed that you do it in some places and not others, so it seems more like just an error than a conscious decision. But none of it takes away from your poem; it was a great read (gren is just a stickler for proper grammar ).
    sig by Pyro Psycho

  6. #14
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    Ah, apostrophe... The ultimate rival of the lazy poet.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  7. #15
    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    So a bit of advice, sorry if I seem tense.
    Don't have sex upstairs at your neighbors expense
    .

    Note to self: No sex near Peach . . . she'll write a poem complaining about the noise. Really, print out a copy and post it to their door. I would!
    Last edited by divine_punishment; Oct 16, 2007 at 06:45 PM.

  8. #16
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    Re: Sex Upstairs

    Ha ha ha... Whats funny is I TOTALLY thought about that! But he already hates me... I play my music too loud... So I figure, an eye for an eye.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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