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Thread: Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

  1. #1
    Newbie michiru726 may be famous one day michiru726 may be famous one day michiru726's Avatar
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    Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    it's my very first poem done under my own will... i'm kinda new to these things and i just felt a bit emo today, so the result? vv-this-vv

    it's a bit short... but i'm running out of words... sooo...
    comments and suggestions are very much appreciated... thanks~! ^^

    Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    Never been said, never been told
    A secret I've kept for two years, I behold;
    Ever since then my life was a lie
    Living beneath the veils of love, I cry.

    A mere smile had melted my stone heart; I die
    Just like the sun above the orange autumn sky.
    The moment seemed millenias have passed;
    A mere three seconds, who am I kidding? It's past.

    To put away all these feelings, I beseech;
    But long-hoped tranquility is still beyond my reach.
    I quiver, I shiver, everytime he passes by;
    And leaves me in a mesmerized state, that's no deny.

    For two years I've never thought I could go on;
    Living in a tall-tale dream, for so long.
    Now I speak of this for the very first time;
    Sending off as well my echoes of farewell,
    My divine.
    Last edited by michiru726; May 13, 2006 at 11:09 AM.

    "Deviously Revamped."



  2. #2
    Otaku deftbeat may be famous one day deftbeat may be famous one day deftbeat's Avatar
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    Re: Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    great work i love it
    keep it comin

  3. #3
    Newbie michiru726 may be famous one day michiru726 may be famous one day michiru726's Avatar
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    Re: Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    really? thanks a lot~!
    hmm... maybe i should try being a bit emo more to write such poems... lol... j/k... X3 thanks again, anyhow~! ^^

    "Deviously Revamped."



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    Otaku viper11025 may be famous one day viper11025 may be famous one day viper11025's Avatar
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    Re: Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    Holy moley!
    We need to find a publisher.
    I cant stand it anymore.
    I have to write more.
    Keep it up michiru726.
    I want to see more.

  5. #5
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    wow man, that poem was nice. keep up the good work man.

  6. #6
    Newbie michiru726 may be famous one day michiru726 may be famous one day michiru726's Avatar
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    Re: Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    lol... thank you guys.... ^^
    i'll try to write more if i have the time...

    "Deviously Revamped."



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    Otaku sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto's Avatar
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    Re: Shadow Beneath a Velvet Autumn Sky

    this is great! but I think you could've done better with the form of the poem... you shouldn't try to fit too many words in a line... only if necessary... one idea/image at a time... but, hell, this is awesome! great work... keep it up... I love the last line, though... "My divine."

    They say you can't use oversized signatures here on AO.

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