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Thread: She should be no more.

  1. Nov 05, 2007 09:59 AM #1
    bratling
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    She should be no more.

    Cold rough fingers clamp down on her shoulders.
    She goes tence but soon the muscles relax.
    Soothing words whispered in her ear.
    It's not at all what she wants to hear.
    But somehow theres a strange sence,
    Of satisfaction rumbling through her,
    With the sound of his voice.
    So intoxicating, and alluring the sounds,
    The vibrations lull her into a false sence,
    Of personal security. Maybe he will,
    Help me be, just a little more me.
    But in truth he is just corruption,
    Reminding her of the dark parts inside.
    That is why he is comfort. He gets it.
    He understands the bloodlust. The
    Insatible want for pain. For herself,
    And everyone else. Sadistic,
    Masochistic, simplistic. Realistic.
    Head pounding. Cheeks flushed red.
    His fingers trail commandingly along,
    Thin collar bone, curling up against,
    Tender throat. Clasping lightly.
    A shiver in her breast, as breath
    Catches in her throat as fingers,
    Close off her windpipe.
    And she should be no more.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!
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  2. Nov 05, 2007 10:04 AM #2
    highteckdudu
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    Re: She should be no more.

    Holly crap! That... Was...AWOSME! It was sooo intense, Mytifying! I cant explaine it! Great job! Your work is awsome! I love every bit of it! Keep it up! You'll go far! I'd love to see more!
    I tryed to see things from your point of view but i cant seem to get my head that far up my ass!
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  3. Nov 05, 2007 10:23 AM #3
    bratling
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    Re: She should be no more.

    Quote Originally Posted by highteckdudu View Post
    Holly crap! That... Was...AWOSME! It was sooo intense, Mytifying! I cant explaine it! Great job! Your work is awsome! I love every bit of it! Keep it up! You'll go far! I'd love to see more!
    I'm so glad you liked this one so much. I really rather ejoy it. I think it could have been better written. But I really like getting back to my descriptive story-telling style. I miss writing short storys. And that's kinda what this is. Just really short.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!
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  4. Nov 05, 2007 10:30 AM #4
    highteckdudu
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    Re: She should be no more.

    I have a story that i am in the procces of making! it is really long! and i'm not finished yet, so its going to get longer. Good luck to you!
    I tryed to see things from your point of view but i cant seem to get my head that far up my ass!
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  5. Nov 05, 2007 11:35 AM #5
    Tifa Lockhart
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    Re: She should be no more.

    Wow, I really like this poem. It was really interesting and intense. Moreover, it was well written and it flows pretty smoothly. But watch out for some spelling errors. Overall, you did an excellent job. ^_^
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  6. Nov 05, 2007 12:28 PM #6
    bratling
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    Re: She should be no more.

    Thanks Highteck, i can't wait to read it. I love short storys. And Tifa, thank you too. I am a really BAD speller so I need to work on that. But haven't gotten very far yet. Because it's a little drop in a big ocean after all. Thanks for your lovely compliments.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!
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  7. Nov 06, 2007 07:12 AM #7
    RayMe
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    Re: She should be no more.

    @.@ wow...i could feel the hands on my throat.. @.@ flawless description... a master in descriptions you are girl... keep it up loved it..

    the wording to this poem is awesome~
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  8. Nov 06, 2007 07:44 AM #8
    bratling
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    Re: She should be no more.

    Woot. Thanks. Apparently I'm going to need to write some short stories for the fanfic section for you guys! Because that's where my descriptive and detail abilitys really shine. I just haven't an idea for one yet. Just you wait tho. I bet you'll love it.
    Especially cus you liked this one so much. I'm so pleased. Pleased as punch that you enjoyed this so much. Thanks!

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!
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