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Thread: Silence Poem

  1. #1
    Otaku Youth-anime-fan is off to a good start
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    Silence Poem

    ********EDITED*******


    Well friends, it seems that we meet again.

    --

    While the wildflowers bloom through the mountains
    When the tide of the sea surges with necessity
    Where are you my heart?
    Where is this place that I do not know?

    This place that does not exist
    There is not a word said within this abyss
    Time stops for me within
    There I give the silence a kiss

    Eventually help comes through the form
    Even though I show no scorn
    Earth is a distant place to me now
    Endless is the bliss in which it wraps me

    Such an end to a sad little tale
    Sorry to have troubled the people of this world
    So are the words that never fell
    Sitting in the endless sea of silence.


    I made this in my blog entry. I thought it was good, so I posted it here.
    Last edited by Youth-anime-fan; Jan 25, 2007 at 10:38 PM. Reason: Typos--Da** typos...

  2. #2
    Otaku Clow Sakura may be famous one day Clow Sakura may be famous one day Clow Sakura's Avatar
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    Re: Silence Poem

    This poem is very well done. I don't know why, but i like the first 2 verses. PM me if you make another poem, i wanna hear it!
    Smileys + Me =

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Silence Poem

    I think this is a very well written poem! The way it's written is what captivated me to read more and the title drew me in! Very well done!

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    Newbie Ninja_Amaya is off to a good start Ninja_Amaya's Avatar
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    Re: Silence Poem

    very nice poem, i enjoyed the choice of words very nice flow, keep it up!

  5. #5
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Silence Poem

    Revision is necessary to evade typos. Other than that? Nice job, a bit more focus on what you're trying to say in the poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


  6. #6
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    Re: Silence Poem

    Ok, I redid some typos, and I found that the first two stanzas were amazing, but it fell apart at the last two stanzas because it went all non-conforming in the second line of the second stanza.

    I redid it a little For an original of my poem, look at my zoints page thinggy where my blog is.

  7. #7
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Silence Poem

    I prefer the last stanza. It adds the sense the of finality.
    Seduced by Flesh


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