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Thread: Six Questions

  1. #1
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Six Questions

    Do you look at me
    the way I see you?

    Am I worth your time?

    I'm weak in the knees
    just thinking of you--tell me:

    Am I on your mind?

    As much as I want,
    I can't approach you.

    Am I being out of line?

    Yet, I can't stop wanting
    to be near you--I wonder:

    Is that a crime?

    My heart melts
    when you smile at me.

    Are you just being kind?

    The same question
    keeps haunting me...

    Will you ever be mine?

    T_T
    Last edited by atomik_sprout; May 11, 2007 at 07:57 AM.


  2. #2
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: Six Questions

    Lovely poem, but the last question killed it!!

    It would have made much more sense if the last question was stated like so:

    Will you ever be mine?
    Why? Because throughout the entire poem, the narrator (or speaker) is talking TO this girl - or wanting to talk to this girl. So it would only make sense if that last question was phrased just as the previous ones, with "you".

    Great poem, Sprout. Keep it up.

  3. #3
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Six Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
    Lovely poem, but the last question killed it!!

    It would have made much more sense if the last question was stated like so:



    Why? Because throughout the entire poem, the narrator (or speaker) is talking TO this girl - or wanting to talk to this girl. So it would only make sense if that last question was phrased just as the previous ones, with "you".

    Great poem, Sprout. Keep it up.
    Thanks for your comment, it means alot. ^_^ I'm gonna edit that last part per your criticism. I like that idea. Thanks alot!


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    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: Six Questions

    You are very welcome. Just trying to help others improve their writing skills - they have so much potential, just like yourself.

    I'd love to see more of your work. Keep them coming.

  5. #5
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Six Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by The White Wolf View Post
    You are very welcome. Just trying to help others improve their writing skills - they have so much potential, just like yourself.

    I'd love to see more of your work. Keep them coming.
    Definetly. I love to write as much as I love to draw. It's one of those gifts that I just stumbled upon, y'know? But, I'm trying to get in the habit of posting more here on AO, so you'll be seein' more of my work. ^_^


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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: Six Questions

    This is kind a like my 10 questions lol, but your's is kind a better, keep it up and hope to read more of your work ^_^

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    x._Loveless.Murder_.x Aiora may be famous one day Aiora may be famous one day Aiora's Avatar
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    Re: Six Questions

    awwww its so sweet ^^ i like it lots, well i guess you should just let the girl know how you feel ^^' i dunno lol


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  8. #8
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Talking Re: Six Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Aiora View Post
    awwww its so sweet ^^ i like it lots, well i guess you should just let the girl know how you feel ^^' i dunno lol
    Oh. I've been workin' on it; believe it. It's just so damn hard, because the whole fear of rejection thing--for starters--and she's just so damn perfect it seems. I mean she's beautiful, smart, artistic, designs her own clothing, likes alot of the stuff I'm into, etc... I just don't know what I should do or say, y'know?

    I don't even know how I got the last girlfriend I had. It kinda just happened. But then again, that's how we broke up too, LOL. And I'm shy around pretty ladies, so this is gonna be one hell of a challenge; believe it. ^_^


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