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Thread: Slave.....

  1. #9
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Slave.....

    Critique will be given.

    Because your the only one that I want to sit with
    Whether its cold or hot the night is
    I just want you to know
    Your the only one that I will love.....
    This stanza was the only reasonbale choice for a good one. The rest of the poem? Needs some work. It started off okay, then spiraled down. I dont like the way it starts off making absolutely no sense.

    Even I don't tell
    Your important to me
    Even I don't think
    When I'm sleep your in my dream
    Wth does this mean? Instead of trying to sound poetic, you should work on your english.
    Seduced by Flesh


  2. #10
    Otaku viper11025 may be famous one day viper11025 may be famous one day viper11025's Avatar
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    Re: Slave.....

    I have one question.
    Do you read the "DearS" Manga?
    This poem will fit for it oh so well.
    Keep it up.

  3. #11
    Mercenary SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara's Avatar
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    Re: Slave.....

    Thank you all..... To clear you all, I'm not in love..... I just made this poem seriously.....

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