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Reply With QuoteDid you write this poem based on a personal experience? it was a nice poem man, keep it up.
Slave
Buying uselessly at every occasion,
Watching what others want you to.
Believing in heaven and Jesus and the saints,
Having little room for your own faith in yourself.
Trying to make it in a world where time cannot stop,
Life is ruled over by specific yet ever changing rules.
Lingering not on what is behind,
Looking at what lays in present date.
Waving away all that may interfere,
Anything that is not efficient must go.
Peace and love have no substance here,
Only war may rage on endlessly.
Resting once and awhile,
Only when others say you can.
Leading others from below you in stature,
Your own pleasures taking all the room around you.
Searching to be at the top,
Falling back to square one as you begin the cycle anew...
I'm tired and well, tired of money hungry companies that treat people like slaves...or nearly. Nighty!!! :P
Last edited by Soldat of life; Jul 03, 2006 at 05:54 PM.
Originally Posted by Soldat of life
Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME
Did you write this poem based on a personal experience? it was a nice poem man, keep it up.
Great stuff as usual boi
I really don't understand this line. And Heave and Saints should both be capitalized.Watching what others want you to.
...by specific yet everchanging rules.Life is ruled over by specific yetever changing rules.
That is a combo of substance and sustenenance. It should be substance.Peace and love have no substenance here,
Awhile is one word.Resting once and a while,
With that aside it's a very good poem. I'll comment again later.
Writing is life again.
*stick out tongue* Don't be so corrective. People like that bother me. We're not all spelling gods ya know? T.T Anyways, good poem. Sweet rolls, man.
Well that's why we have people like me Red, and people like you who don't like criticizm annoy me too, so we're square. I was pointing out errors so they could be fixed, because it's a truly beautiful poem, and I merely sought to point out the blemishes, and if that's such a crime, then boohoo.
It's a great work, like pointing out everything wrong with what we consider to be day to day life. Kinda' reminds me about slowing down to take a look at my life oncein awhile if you catch my meaning. Deep stuff though, it's like "welcome to civilization"
Writing is life again.
Thanks Immortal Warrior for the tips, always good to get better in things, I might fix it up in an edit...though as I had written below...I was tired...really tired, and for Ketaro, yes it is a personal experience.....grrr, but today the table turned and I got good news :P:P:P
Sooooooooo.....if someone can comment in my "Tales of renewal" thread, I'll be able to continue putting my writtings there....or else I'm stuck starting new threads each time.....and Immortal Warrior, PMing TIME!!! :P
Last edited by Soldat of life; Jul 03, 2006 at 05:58 PM.
Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME
nice work, great concept i love it
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