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Thread: slave

  1. #1
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    slave

    Slave

    Buying uselessly at every occasion,
    Watching what others want you to.
    Believing in heaven and Jesus and the saints,
    Having little room for your own faith in yourself.
    Trying to make it in a world where time cannot stop,
    Life is ruled over by specific yet ever changing rules.

    Lingering not on what is behind,
    Looking at what lays in present date.
    Waving away all that may interfere,
    Anything that is not efficient must go.
    Peace and love have no substance here,
    Only war may rage on endlessly.

    Resting once and awhile,
    Only when others say you can.
    Leading others from below you in stature,
    Your own pleasures taking all the room around you.
    Searching to be at the top,
    Falling back to square one as you begin the cycle anew...





    I'm tired and well, tired of money hungry companies that treat people like slaves...or nearly. Nighty!!! :P
    Last edited by Soldat of life; Jul 03, 2006 at 05:54 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  2. #2
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: slave

    Did you write this poem based on a personal experience? it was a nice poem man, keep it up.

  3. #3
    Otaku Sashacat may be famous one day Sashacat may be famous one day Sashacat's Avatar
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    Re: slave

    Great stuff as usual boi

  4. #4
    Newbie Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior's Avatar
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    Re: slave

    Watching what others want you to.
    I really don't understand this line. And Heave and Saints should both be capitalized.


    Life is ruled over by specific yetever changing rules.
    ...by specific yet everchanging rules.


    Peace and love have no substenance here,
    That is a combo of substance and sustenenance. It should be substance.

    Resting once and a while,
    Awhile is one word.

    With that aside it's a very good poem. I'll comment again later.
    Writing is life again.

  5. #5
    Newbie Red_Wings may be famous one day Red_Wings may be famous one day Red_Wings's Avatar
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    Re: slave

    *stick out tongue* Don't be so corrective. People like that bother me. We're not all spelling gods ya know? T.T Anyways, good poem. Sweet rolls, man.

  6. #6
    Newbie Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior may be famous one day Immortal Warrior's Avatar
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    Re: slave

    Well that's why we have people like me Red, and people like you who don't like criticizm annoy me too, so we're square. I was pointing out errors so they could be fixed, because it's a truly beautiful poem, and I merely sought to point out the blemishes, and if that's such a crime, then boohoo.
    It's a great work, like pointing out everything wrong with what we consider to be day to day life. Kinda' reminds me about slowing down to take a look at my life oncein awhile if you catch my meaning. Deep stuff though, it's like "welcome to civilization"
    Writing is life again.

  7. #7
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: slave

    Thanks Immortal Warrior for the tips, always good to get better in things, I might fix it up in an edit...though as I had written below...I was tired...really tired, and for Ketaro, yes it is a personal experience.....grrr, but today the table turned and I got good news :P:P:P


    Sooooooooo.....if someone can comment in my "Tales of renewal" thread, I'll be able to continue putting my writtings there....or else I'm stuck starting new threads each time.....and Immortal Warrior, PMing TIME!!! :P
    Last edited by Soldat of life; Jul 03, 2006 at 05:58 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  8. #8
    Otaku deftbeat may be famous one day deftbeat may be famous one day deftbeat's Avatar
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    Re: slave

    nice work, great concept i love it

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