+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Slowly...

  1. #1
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Not somewhere I love but I am glad I have a home so far
    Posts
    3,804
    Thanks
    82
    Thanked 61 Times in 56 Posts

    Slowly...

    Dying

    my chest is feeling so heavy...i can't breath properly...i like a fish on the land...gasping..
    forcing air to come in...slowly..dying..

    Seeing things...heavy..too heavy...reaching hands up with all my brute strength i have...light..it's consuming..i can't see my hands anymore.. slowly..
    gradually.. darkness takes over...nothing can be seen no more...

    blind...darker than a cave can be..darker than anything...my heart beat..gets even slower...gasps..
    last breath...my hands...i can't feel them...last breath slowly slips out along with my soul...


    ~.~
    Last edited by RayMe; Apr 20, 2007 at 09:08 PM.

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

  2. #2
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Under The Sea, Florida
    Posts
    1,533
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Slowly...

    Again Please work on the way that you write your poems. I am not saying anything bad like someone else would just giving kind suggestions. I would also think about the way you word them. I think that what you are trying to put into the poems is good but the feeling just isn't shown enough. Other then that awesome job.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

  3. #3
    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Life is an illusion.
    Posts
    2,429
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts

    Re: Slowly...

    Not bad... and it will be better if you could paragraphs next time ^_^

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    In a Demon's Arms
    Posts
    1,875
    Thanks
    56
    Thanked 39 Times in 36 Posts

    Re: Slowly...

    I liked this... poem... is it a poem? can't tell but I like everything about it, you showed death quite clearly and I liked the way you wrote it too... it's different... I think there's also enough emotions... what emotions can you have dying? Good job Ray!!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  5. #5
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Not somewhere I love but I am glad I have a home so far
    Posts
    3,804
    Thanks
    82
    Thanked 61 Times in 56 Posts

    Re: Slowly...

    yeah @.@ i thought of something like that too... im just trying this new way of expressing my feelings... @.@ i will do better next.. wait.. i just done another 1... i think it's way better

    thx guys ^^

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Slowly dying...
    By lebasiara in forum Poems
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: Mar 04, 2007, 03:38 PM
  2. Are Indie movies slowly becomgin unindie?
    By Delerium in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: Mar 18, 2005, 06:24 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts