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Thread: Small dream.

  1. #9
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    That was pretty sweet nightfox, nicely well done.

  2. #10
    Otaku NightFox may be famous one day NightFox may be famous one day NightFox's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    Thanks sora, thanks ketaro. really appresiate this.


    Love hurts...trust me I know, I really do...

  3. #11
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    Critique will be given.

    Everything was going so well until we hit the middle of the 3rd stanza, on the 4th verse. I believe it was a typo,
    But why we can't show
    , sounds better as "why cant we show".

    Capitalization and correct punctuation would improve the poem. I adore the breaks you used.
    Seduced by Flesh


  4. #12
    Otaku NightFox may be famous one day NightFox may be famous one day NightFox's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    Thanks for letting that out...It really sound better and I wonder why I actually
    did write like that...I should have notised that sooner.


    Love hurts...trust me I know, I really do...

  5. #13
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    No worries. You just need to spend more time on the editting process.
    Seduced by Flesh


  6. #14
    Impossible to gauge! AnataBakaDesu may be famous one day AnataBakaDesu may be famous one day AnataBakaDesu's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    You want people to understand you but you (alone) can't, so you want lovely kids and family who can explain that to people and that everyone can see that...
    sorry if i missunderstood.. not really interested in poems.
    But anyways, its a good one.. Keep it up!

  7. #15
    Otaku The Fighter may be famous one day The Fighter may be famous one day The Fighter's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    I think I understand what you are trying to say, But at the same time I am lost..

    So is this poem about pondering life?
    Or is about having children?

    This is one of those poems that make you think..

    Critical thinking

  8. #16
    Otaku NightFox may be famous one day NightFox may be famous one day NightFox's Avatar
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    Re: Small dream.

    You still wonder what I am telling you with this?
    Think this about starting that I love my cousin, and she loves me...And start from that.
    Thanks for comments Anata and Fighter


    Love hurts...trust me I know, I really do...

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