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Thread: Smile

  1. #1
    ~always by your side~ Radarix Champion, Virus 2 Champion, Virus 3 Champion fireandice is off to a good start fireandice's Avatar
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    Smile

    A smile transfixed on her face
    But joy never reaches her eyes
    A melodious laugh from her mouth
    Though a forced and painful sound
    How long will she keep up this charade
    How much more does she have to endure
    Wishing for him to realize who he could be
    Longing for his embrace that will never come
    Giving up on her love’s hope and packing away feelings
    Living a numb existence and taking what’s left unwanted
    She slowly moves forwards never forgetting to keep..
    A smile transfixed on her face….



    Well this is the third verson of this and I'm still not happy with it. So any help or tips that you could give me would be appreciated. If you don't want to do it on the thread feel free to pm them to me. Please and Thank you.

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Smile

    My God... If I didn't know any better.. I'd think you wrote this about me. Damn, I was almost brought to tears by this.

    I loved how it ended like it began. I loved it all the way through. I'm sorry you are displeased by it. But I'm happy with it (Or at least theres a smile transfixed on my face)
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    fireandice (Dec 29, 2007)

  4. #3
    Banned Monkey Jump Champion, Karts Champion, Stagedive Dewy Champion, Harry Potter: The Marauder`s Map Champion, Weasley Breakfast Champion, Grand Slam Shredder Champion, Moon Skate Champion, Field Goal FootBall Champion, DodgeBall Champion, Gasbag Smackdown Champion, Makai Hockey Champion, Monkey Nut Champion, The Ordinary Boys Champion, Traffic Control Champion, Roving Reporter Champion, Prawn Of The Dead Champion, Sky Fire Champion, Musical Lantern Champion, Master Qwan,s Mahjongg Champion, Master Mahjongg Champion, Mahjongg: Alchemy Champion, Flash Tiles Champion, Mahjongg 3D Champion, Mahjongg 2 Champion, Mahjongg Fast Champion, Stupid Space Shooting Race Game Champion The GunGrave of Trigun may be famous one day The GunGrave of Trigun may be famous one day
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    Re: Smile

    I like it alot its good i know people who do it and you hit it on the top of the head i cant wait to read more from you.

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    fireandice (Dec 29, 2007)

  6. #4
    §-Breakdown-§ Breakout Champion, Bubble Popper Champion Akura13 may be famous one day Akura13's Avatar
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    Re: Smile

    wow, this poem was so sad~! But it was wonderfully written. "Giving up on her love’s hope and packing away feelings" I can deffinatly relate to that the most~! Very wonderful poem I loved it~!



    Phantasmagoria Lives On In The Hearts Of Their Fans, Japanese AND English!
    "Because it's okay to hide your tears." - LM.C (Lovely Mocochang)

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    fireandice (Dec 29, 2007)

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