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Thread: a smile could....

  1. #1
    Otaku powerxxx may be famous one day powerxxx may be famous one day powerxxx's Avatar
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    a smile could....

    pieces are falling
    i can't seem to make them stay

    wings shatter
    and i just sit here as if it doen't matter

    there's something changing in me
    something growning inside of me

    i swear i don't want this
    i swear i don't need this

    hate
    hate
    and hate
    gives me nothing but anger
    and misjudgment

    my thoughts turn around me saying
    where was love
    where was care

    in my time of need
    noone there
    nothing anywhere

    things that were bad
    turned in time to the worse

    sitting here
    i lost all hope
    i lost everything i ever hoped for

    but as i was about to stand up
    with my sad face

    i saw someone smile to me
    and ask me if something was wrong
    if i was okay

    due this surprise
    i stood still
    not even a word came out of my mouth

    it was the first time
    anybody asked me that

    she was the first to do so
    she was the first to care about me

    it was her who changed me
    it was her smile which kept me going

    i never thought
    a smile could make me happy

    i never thought
    a smile could give me hope

    i never thought
    a smile could be so warm

    a smile that belongs to her
    a smile that could change the world
    Last edited by powerxxx; Aug 03, 2006 at 11:24 AM.
    Power -xxx- aka -M.Ali
    I Fly Swiftly through the air
    I Spread My Wings Without A trace

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: a smile could....

    It's too long, and with broken stanzas. Reading this, it quickly became unappealing. If there were more elaboration and vividness in the stanzas, perhaps there short length wouldnt have mattered. But you still have to give the reader enough to think.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: a smile could....

    It was a nice poem man, keep it up.

  4. #4
    Bored college student fayt lingod may be famous one day fayt lingod may be famous one day fayt lingod's Avatar
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    Re: a smile could....

    a little on the long side, i didn't have the patience to finish it.

    thanks to zyta for the sick sig and avy!

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