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Thread: the smoking section

  1. #1
    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    the smoking section

    my cigarette is burning, and then snow is ice,
    the world is turning itching with lice.
    with a rumble and scurry out go the lights
    capturing the days in unyielding nights.

    my lungs contract suffering in toxic prayer
    wisps of thin vapor make shapes of air;
    like a cold touch lifting the flesh from your heart
    this apt villain conceals its art.

    through guise of pleasure our vices snare
    claiming everything yet being costly in price.

    ---
    i was just so high and happened to be smoking, it's weird actually sitting down and writing lines with the intent of making a poem.
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: the smoking section

    Last lines didn't rhyme (but instead kinda spun off the first lines of the first couple stanzas) ... I think that's great. Is that some sort of fancy poetry format? I'm so ignorant when it comes to sh!t like that.

    Honestly... for your writing with intent to be kinda foreign... it sure was successful for you.
    I loved seeing this. I could almost see like comic book style drawing accompanying it.

    Especially a world itching with lice. So true.... and such a good reason (of many) to justify lighting up.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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